How to ask a girl out on Facebook

How do you ask a girl out via Facebook?

Well, you know what? I wanted to tell you this information because I recently looked at my Facebook messages. I can say I am fed up of all the crummy ways guys have been asking me out. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the attention, it’s very nice. I get up to 30 messages a day from guys on Facebook and so many of them are so mindbogglingly bad and also very like one another.


I thought, you know what I’m going to get on YouTube and I’m going to give some guidelines here. Let’s make sure that if you want to get that girl if you wanted her to actually respond to you and not delete your message that you’re going to be able to do that.

What not to do!

So, first of all, before I go into what to do I need to tell you a few absolute what not to do things. I know it might be tempting if you see a girl that you like online to send a message that says: “Hi”. Problem is if she’s an attractive girl there will be quite a few other guys trying to do exactly the same thing at exactly the same time. At that point, she’s never going to be able to distinguish if you’re the cool guy that she should go out with.


Likewise, when you first start contact with the woman you don’t want to emphasise her physical appearance. You don’t want to tell her that she’s got pretty eyes or you think she looks sexy. When she gets that message it of comes across as creepy. The reason for that is if you don’t know a guy and he’s asking you out via Facebook you know that all he’s been doing is look at your pictures online. And if the first message he sends to you emphasise your looks it feels creepy. It doesn’t emphasise any kind of personal connection that would lead to a date.


Think about it from a woman’s perspective- if she’s a attractive woman she could have loads of guys telling her how beautiful she is. So, you’re saying that you’re not doing anything to distinguish yourself from other men out there.


So, what is the right thing to do? How can you ask a woman out by Facebook?


First of all, I want to make a quick distinction. Is she one of your friends or a friend of a friend? If so, your chances of her saying yes are going to be so much better. Whenever women feel a degree of connection to a guy (maybe she can see in your friends list that you’re friends with several of her friends) she’s going to be automatically more likely to respond. If anything, women are quite polite towards men that are attracted to us.


If it’s a woman that you’ve seen her picture somewhere and you’ve managed to find her Facebook profile- unfortunately, the chances are not so good. She’s going to know that the only reason you’re connecting with her is based on face value. As much as women want to feel sexy and they want to know that there was a man who appreciates what they look like, they don’t want to feel like that’s the only thing you’re judging them on.


This might be random, but…

So if you fall into that second category is there a way that you can make friends with her friends? Is there a way that you can join groups that she’s a member of or is there a way that you can show that you share her interests? Can you see that she does something a little bit niche? Maybe she’s into yoga or gymnastics or a particular band. Do you like them? If so these are going to be much better points of connection!


If you’re looking at her Facebook profile and you don’t like anything she likes and you have no points of interest in common then I would question why you want to ask her out in the first place. You know what there are attractive people everywhere. You should be looking for more than looks when you approach a woman.


Ok, you’ve got friends in common. The best thing to do is start off with a nice message to her and keep it very short. 2 to 3 lines at most. Let her know how you came to message her because that will help her to feel secure. She will know that you’re not some stranger from the Internet. Say: “Hey! I’m a friend of X .” or: “I notice you were also a member of this group so I thought I’d shoot you a line.”


If your connection is random, acknowledge it: “I know this is random, but I thought as I’m always interested to connect to people who have an interest in yoga…”


So let’s go through that one more time to be clear!

1. say hi

2. acknowledge how you came upon her profile (it’s always better if that’s come through another friend)

3. try and build up a point of connection based around mutual interests


I know this isn’t the most dynamic and sexy message you could send. But when a woman is looking at these messages appearing on her Facebook, you don’t want her to delete it straight away. You want her to think: “Okay I’ve got something in common with this guy so I’m going to respond.”


When she starts to respond then you can gain enough momentum to go in there and do the sexy thing and ask her out for a date. At the beginning what you want to avoid is only saying “Hi” or the opposite- writing a long message which is also too much. Or emphasising her physical appearance. Those roots are going to be cut out straight away!

Choose your battles wisely! 

If you’re going to do the risky thing of trying to build bridges with a girl that you don’t know on Facebook you’ve got to emphasise all the points of connection that you have. Do not be rush the messaging process, build up a connection with her and keep in mind the mindset: if there’s no connection to be built, if you don’t have anything in common then you shouldn’t be pursuing this. Instead, you should be looking at women that you’re attracted to physically but also you get on well with as an individual.

If you want to meet women you do have things in common with, join my Hayley Quinn Club

Enjoy 🙂 and let me know about your Facebook faux pas’s and successes

HQ x

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
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