Here’s a funny idea: imagine a parallel universe where gender roles were reversed and it was women who hit on men and men who had to rebuff the sleazy advances of women.
Who would ever have thought one of my blog posts would draw upon a British comedy from the late eighties to illustrate the science of attraction? Yep, but that’s me folks, a proud Red Dwarf fan, a not-so-closet geek and a female PUA who is always drawing upon unconventional methods to highlight the differences between men and women and to underline what creates attraction and more importantly, what does NOT.
Watch this video from 5.30 minutes in and marvel at how your own behaviour is uncannily reproduced by a member of the opposite sex. This should be compulsory viewing for any wannabe ladies man. It is a real eye opener as to what women want.
Using Red Dwarf as our inspiration, here’s a breakdown of some rules and things to avoid when interacting with the opposite sex:
Make a conversation interesting for a woman. Notice how Rimmer and his female equivalent engage in stilted and mundane small talk at the disco. Escape the hairdresser conversation! Men generally prefer to converse using logic and facts. Women, on the other hand, prefer to talk emotively and creatively. Engage her imagination then by talking about dreams, hopes and past experiences. Ask questions that elicit these feelings from her. For example, if you find the conversation is getting mired in the boring topic of work, change the dynamic by asking her what job she wanted to do when she grew up.
Escalate slowly and avoid cheesy pick –up lines. Remember that old saying, Men are like a light switch and women are like a dial? Well, notice how Rimmer’s female equivalent doesn’t escalate or turn the mood more sexual gradually but just all of a sudden lunges in to Rimmer and uses a corny and cliched line ‘Hang on, haven’t you got something in your eye?’ This freaks Rimmer out and puts him on the defensive. In short: avoid.
Mirror her level of interest. Rimmer’s female doppelganger begins to lewdly hit on him by sitting on his knee and imploring that he’s ‘begging for it!’ She gives the game away and instead of matching Rimmer’s level of interest in her: she comes on WAY too strong. Now Rimmer knows that she is only interested in him for one thing, sex. Give that game away and there is no quicker way to turn a woman off. So scrap the pushy tactics and work on building a genuine personal connection instead.
Don’t make assumptions about a woman based on what she dresses like. Some people assume a woman is trying to get sexual attention if she is wearing provocative clothing. Newsflash: women can wear clothes to get attention from the opposite sex, but they also can wear clothes they like, that give them pleasure, that help to denote their social group, to help bond with their friends: so don’t jump to conclusions! Rimmer is accused of being ‘begging for it’ or why else would he ‘wear such tight jeans?’ Remember that a woman wears provocative clothing for lots of reasons: don’t assume that she is just out for sex. Often, you are most likely going to still have to connect with that woman and build connection and trust before you can turn things sexual.
Demonstrate your value. Why does Lester never really get anywhere with the ladies? Because he doesn’t demonstrate his sensitive, intelligent or caring side. He puts the woman off with his crude laddish behaviour, such as burping the alphabet. To demonstrate your value, talk with passion about your life. Tell the woman what motivates you, what makes you get out of bed in the morning and connect with her on her passions too.
Red Dwarf is a comedy: I get that. it is ‘over the top’ but hopefully from seeing things from the ‘flip side’ we can understand a little better why women react the way they do to some advances.
Understanding what makes women tick will improve your chances of successfully approaching women, getting their numbers and building relationships with them.
I only represent one ‘female opinion’ there are lots out there: to have a chance to speak to lots of different women about what they desire in men, what they hate in men and what makes them think ‘wow I want that guy’ then check out these girls and get your second opinon…