Maybe you have no shortage of social confidence, and can meet men in real life easily, but those interactions never translate into dates: he just ends up seeing you as a friend or a social acquaintance.
In this blog I’m going to share a simple technique, taken from my Attraction Circle programme, to help communicate to him as a potential date, not just a friend. I want to help you to get him to see you as a date!
So first of all why does he not always recognise that there’s a romantic opportunity in front of him?
Well firstly contrary to popular belief most men aren’t constantly in "seducer" mode, in fact if he meets you in an everyday context (as opposed to on a dating app for instance) he may not see this as a romantic opportunity.
And even if he does, he may not feel it’s the right context to ask you on a date. Thankfully, most men are hyper aware that the gym, a work conference, or after work drinks with colleagues may not be an appropriate time or place to flirt with a woman.
This is why, if you’d like to explore that opportunity you need to indicate to him that, that’s something you’re open to. That you'd like him to see you as a date. Unfortunately most of the time your default way of communicating with him might do just the opposite.
One of my coaching clients expressed this perfectly: She told me how when she meets a man she’s attracted to she automatically goes into "networking mode", so instead of communicating as a potential date, she comes across just as a friend, or even worse a potential LinkedIn follower.
You may inadvertently be communicating that you’re just a friend, not a date, if you:
- Are confident and communicative at work, and find it hard to shift out of this mode of communication.
- Like to make people feel at ease and so find yourself "carrying" the conversations you have.
- You are an awkward silence free zone.
- You often feel more able to have a successful conversation, than the other person.
I get it, no one likes feeling awkward, and because you can you may readily jump to fill any gaps in conversation. However, in doing this you may be getting in the way of him forming a connection to you and seeing you as a date. To understand this, let’s look at two important ways men process the start of an interaction:
- Before he starts speaking to you, he will often experience a lot of fear and hesitation, as he’s worried you’ll reject him. That’s why you want to learn to master your body language and signals to show him that you’re open to speaking to him.
- When he’s started talking to you he will often feel like it’s his job to carry the conversation, and to impress you. Of course in an ideal world, a great conversation has (at least 2) present people in it. However, by understanding that he thinks it’s on him to drive the conversation it gives you the opportunity to do something... and that's to relax!
In my course Attraction Circle I teach a practice called "The Treasure Chest Ritual" which is all about holding back on needing to fill every gap in the conversation. Sharing can be a great way to relate to someone else and build a connection, but be conscious if you’re over sharing in order to:
- Tell him more about yourself to impress him.
- From a place of people pleasing, or needing him to like you.
- Because you’re worried the conversation won’t flow if you don’t.
There are many ways to become more attractive through your conversation skills: Playfulness, self confidence, humour and fun will all help you to stand out... but you don’t need to over give.
Instead when you practise stillness in a conversation you demonstrate that you’re not in a rush to impress him, and that you’re taking your time to feel this interaction out. Exactly like he expects, you’re calmly choosing him, and if he impresses you, then you’ll just about be swayed to give him your number.
So next time you’re speaking to a guy you might like, relax on your metaphorical sun lounger, smile, breathe, be present, listen and see what he shows you about himself, before you rush in to impress him.
It sounds too simple to be true, but sometimes giving less in a conversation, is the easiest way you can communicate "date" instead of "just a friend" to him.
