don't call him

He’s totally screwed up – don’t call him!

I am writing this blog to you today because I’m concerned that you don’t have someone in your life telling this to you clearly enough- if you want to call your ex- don’t call him!

They may be trying to protect your feelings, they may be a mutual friend, I don’t know, but they’re not helping you.

I am writing this to you if you’re hurting or are in distress because of A BOY (*most men are lovely but if you’re crying the dynamic with yours is probably off)

I don’t know what he did, but if it was anything from the following list LEAVE HIM ALONE.

1. Cheating. Oh, I hate a cheat. Love rats BLEURGH.

He may have told you that you were in a ‘grey area’ but you know the truth. He didn’t prioritise his commitments to you and that sucks. Now I have no issue with people having sex with as many people as they like. But deceiving (maybe just because he has omitted key details of his penis’s life!) is UNCOOL.

It’s also unmanly. And un-good-human. And quite frankly I don’t think you should bother with him anymore. At least not immediately.

Let him know you know (calmly, always best) and then leave him with his own conscience for an undisclosed period of time.

I have a suspicion that when people do others an injustice, they know it. So you don’t need to yell at him, over and over again, instead you need to practice self-respect and just go.

If it’s a long term relationship there could be some room to be understanding but before you reconcile LEAVE. Leave good and proper.

2. He’s your ex, it’s a booty call.

Erm, you guys broke up. I’m sure you had your reasons that were valid. I’d trust in the fact that if you were meant to be your prior self wouldn’t have got it spectacularly wrong.

I know breaking up is hard (you share friends! you loved him! the sex was good! yadyadyada) and the temptation to just have one. last. night. can be overwhelming. But before you say ‘hey baby’ I want you to clearly acknowledge a few possible end results from doing this…

  • You may well feel rubbish the next day, or the next week. Because after all the sex dies down you’re going to know he was there being all couply with you with NO INTENTION of getting back together. I always wished I’d cut it off sooner. I would advise cold showers and getting a female friend who can tell you NO on speed dial.
  • You may be a little tipsy as this decision crosses your mind. To safeguard against this BLOCK HIM EVERYWHERE also give him a funky new name in your contact’s list. Something like:

NO! X 1 Million IT’S OVER *skull and crossbones emoji*

Should work nicely.

There are so many guys out there who are good in bed who want to have sex with you… and sometimes what feels best is knowing this, and instead of sitting in bed with a good book.

3. He’s been in any way aggressive/physical with you

There are some things that are just never justifiable. Being physical with your partner is a straight-up no. This is not an issue to work through, this is an issue to stay the hell away from.

I know he may be stressed, or depressed, but this is a NEVER scenario.

I’ve had guys be abusive to me in the past, and at the time I felt like a rabbit in the headlights. Like was this my fault? Did I deserve it? And the feeling is panic, and it’s in your body, and you just freeze.

In what world is this ok?

Honestly, when you keep away from him for even just a few weeks – you will probably see this the right way like THANK GOD HE’S GONE but in the meantime it’s hard. It’s hard to know when to say ‘no’ it is so so hard to walk away.

But you can do it, I believe you can. I hope you will turn your phone off and block him everywhere.

If you don’t have a friend telling you to do this now. Please do it for me.

Know that your self-respect, your sanctuary, is a million times more important than continuing to take a call from someone who doesn’t love you in the way you love them.

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
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