Is he performing for you? (not a sex blog!)

Performing arts

I bet you’ve noticed that guys aren’t quite flirting the way they used to. In fact sometimes when a guy is into you it’s downright inscrutable. From all the many men I’ve spoken to about dating though I can safely say that there’s one thing, they’ve been continually told they need to do to win you over… is PERFORMING. (ah-hem I mean in terms of how he communicates, not the bedroom, though that’s nice too)

(Bad) male dating advice tells guys they need to put on a show before you like them because you aren’t just going to like them for them right?

Strange but men genuinely think women are so difficult to woo that they’ve had the idea that unless they do and say something witty/ entertaining/ teasing/ cutting/ assertive you aren’t going to be interested.

Quite simply the take-home message here is if he’s acting WEIRD he’s quite possibly into you.

Research has even shown how men’s vocal tone varies when they’re attracted to a woman. So if a guy:

  • Cracks a lot of jokes.
  • Teases you about something that isn’t funny.
  • Vaguely insults you.
  • Acts a bit macho.
  • Gets distracted…

As you can see both men and women’s signals are as confusing to the opposite gender as each other.

The only sensible workaround for this is to refocus more on what you want and less about whether they like you.

So keep your focus on you and if you like them don’t be afraid to let a guy know. A little validation for his humour, his suggestion, a smile, a laugh can do a lot to let him know he has his applause and to move the conversation our of performance and into mutual acceptance.

For more advice on how you can use your communication skills to get the guy you actually like you need to head to The Hayley Quinn Club

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
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