It is not about pleasing him!

Pleasing yourself first!

I am a woman who doesn’t go in for man-pleasing in ANY FORM. But most of all I am not a fan of a relationship being dictated and pleasure orientated toward one party- him!

I am not a fan of:

  • Wearing clothes I don’t like it because he finds them visually stimulating. I’m sorry but stilettos are in no way practical for an urban environment. I would like to see a guy negotiating the tube on tiptoes. Just wouldn’t happen.
  • Cooking and all other kinds of domestic drudgery. True story: I once asked my partner how to cook pasta. He told me not to bother and I considered this a victory.
  • Letting guys decide to stuff in relationships. Since when did God decide that the ones with penis choose when it’s a proper relationship when to see other people when to make those fundamental steps forward.

I know I am on the extreme edge of F-that traditionally womanly stuff. And I do know that sometimes there’s a value in dressing nice, just for you. And fundamentally baking is not anti-woman, in fact, lots of men make very nice brownies.

But all these thoughts aside I get genuinely aggravated when men deem it their decision to say when it’s on/off. Or (worse) if you should see other people.

You know what? If you want a more open relationship, all power to you. They can be enjoyable, fun, valid ones to participate in… but letting a guy cajole you into one is bananas.


…Is a good space to start. Doing what he says isn’t a recipe for keeping him or saving anything. Instead, it will make you an insecure, upset person for not standing your ground. For letting him say that the big prize is having his penis beside you at night.

I can learn to bake, I can see a stylist but this one idea we should never compromise on. Stick to your ideals and never be ashamed to ask for what you want. Don’t please him, please yourself.

To be strong in what you want and take control of your relationships to join my member’s club and ask me your questions every day* (*except Sundays when I’m asleep!)!

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
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