Keep the guy you like by staying assertive
Being and staying assertive
Being assertive isn’t the kind of snuggly, empathetic ability that you’d normally associate with maintaining relationships but in fact, it is CRITICAL.
In relationships we tend to meld into each other and forget our own boundaries – and I have a feeling it’s human nature to take your partner for granted after a while.
To stop this descent into your relationship resembling a symbiotic blob – with dropping levels of independence you need to learn how to assert yourself (nicely).
If you don’t you’ll get the ‘relationship gloop’ symptoms of:
- Feeling like you have a boring and mundane life – you may lose the will to exit your sweatpants on the weekend and remember the ‘good old day’s where your partner remembered you are female.
- He may find other women very exciting and attractive… whilst you feel like some kind of PA.
- You find yourself withdrawing and moping because you’re not getting the attention you deserve.
- He loses interest in the relationship and then….
It sounds crazy but all of these problems ARE NOT fixed by:
- ‘Putting up’ with his neglect and then snapping.
- Accepting this is ‘just how things go’ (you’re not ready for your grave yet!!)
- Swallowing your discontent only to moan about the dishwasher or sit a foot away from him on the sofa.
- Softly asking him if he’d like to pay you a compliment today.
Men actually respond well to clear, direct instructions. Emotional hints of your distress (that would be the moping, nagging and pleading) tend to not go down so well and are easier for him to IGNORE.
You need a man that will listen and respond to you: but you have to be clear enough.
If you are absolutely business-like, crystal-clear about your wants needs and desires and he still doesn’t respond… that’s when it’s time to ask the tough questions.
In the meantime I urge you to ditch the ‘Can we maybe go out together this weekend like we used to?’ and replace it with stronger and clearer statements: ‘I’ve felt a lack of connection recently, and I want to flirt with you again. So I’d like you to take me out for dinner. In return, I’ll let you tell me what you’d like me to wear. I think we need to remember why we like each other so much.’
So don’t think by being clear and assertive about your needs that you’re scaring him off: you are giving him the chance to address your needs as any good partner should, and you’re cultivating the respect you need around yourself to be happy.
To work more on your becoming the strong woman he can respect head to my Hayley Quinn Member’s Club.