men don't change

Men don’t change!

‘a woman always wants to change a man, and a man always wants his woman to stay the same.’ 

If you haven’t worked it out yet: people don’t change! Well very occasionally they do but it takes YEARS, and their own motivation to do so.  So when you meet a guy as tempting as it is to think ‘well here’s a fixer-upper’ (like a mechanic gazing at a car with a few too many miles on the clock) this will not serve you. Do not fall down the rabbit hole thinking you will be the one to finally change your man. Men don’t change and I’ll tell you why.

Your version of him

As much as you think you can ‘see’ this greater more awesome person that they could be, this person exists nowhere except in your own brain.

When you then meet the ‘real’ person and the lovely fantasy vision you carried around in your head (often violently) collides with THE REAL ACTUAL TRUTH. This can be very painful. And you can run around, sometimes for years, trying to piece the mythology back together but it won’t work.

  • You have found the gap between fantasy and reality.
  • So if he cancels a date due to work, he’s always likely to prioritise work.
  • If he’s a little sneaky with still using Tinder.. he may find other times to justify contacting someone.

If he goes AWOL and then comes running back, straps yourself in, he’s going to do this again.

Men don’t change but this does not mean you need to settle down

Of course, NO ONE is perfect and relationships are about compromise i.e. maybe a workaholic is fine to be you if he’s a good communicator who wats apps you from his desk.

Just make sure you don’t get ‘COMPROMISE’ mixed up with ‘CHOOSING YOUR OWN POISON’ it is easy to mistake in the early days

For more advice and tips that get real instead of la-la romantic fantasy make sure you check out my Hayley Quinn Club


Hayley x

Back to Blog

Get Honest, Ethical Insights

In Hayley's Dating Minicourse

Simple conversation starters

How to understand men

Where are the quality guys?

Hayley Quinn
Hayley Quinn
  • Learn to love dating with Hayley Quinn’s newsletter, free video courses, and promotional emails. You can unsubscribe easily at any time and we never share your information with third parties. View our Privacy Policy.