rush for commitment

Why rush for commitment and over giving won’t help you find love?

Rushing & over giving


Are you a chronic over giver? Someone who is one of good people who like to be considerate to others, is thoughtful, and at times makes excuses for people? Do you rush for commitment and request it early on?

Lots of women I’m coaching tell me, “Hayley, the problem isn’t with meeting men. It’s meeting one I actually like who wants the same things as me…” 

Can rush for commitment bring good results?

I know how it goes: you push yourself to go on dates that don’t excite you. You try to see the positives in a ‘nice’ guy you’re not connecting with. Then someone comes along who you actually like…. And he doesn’t want the same things as you. You worry that he’s just not seeing you as relationship material (the next woman he dated, he got engaged to FFS!).

You’re not sure how to address the whole commitment thing, and are just done with wasting your time. The result of this? Broaching the subject of commitment with a man you like, can feel like a real dating conundrum. This pressure not only ratchets up your anxiety during dating, but can put a serious damper on his attraction to you.

I need to change how you approach the whole subject of commitment.

When you rush for commitment guess what happens? You don’t get it. That’s because somewhere along the way you’re communicating that your desire for commitment is more important to you than the qualities of the person you want to commit.

When you’re in the early stages of dating your emphasis has to be on, ‘could this person be right for me?’ Not, ‘will he commit?’. I want you to be channeling that high value, confident woman, who holds high standards for who she would consider committing to.

Watch this short video from my last Commanding Love workshop to help get you started.


Being giving is an amazing quality but…

Another obstacle you might come across in early stages of dating that you do not perceive as such is being over giving. When it comes to the early stages of dating what you really need to learn to do is to RECEIVE. Receiving could mean allowing someone to help you out, love you, care for you, and make an effort to come towards you- even indicate that they do want commitment at some point.

Contrary to what you might think, being accommodating, helpful and understanding doesn’t always serve you in the early stages of dating. Some people would say that by being able to receive is when you’re in your ‘feminine energy’ that allows you to attract that masculine man who makes us all swoon.


Receive, receive, receive, before you give.

When someone does something for you, this is known as the ‘foot in the door’ and actually means they’ll feel more like helping you out in the future.

So it’s not how much you do for him that makes the difference, it’s how much he does for you. I want you to focus on this concept when it comes to your dating life. I know from personal experience what it’s like to give so much to a relationship, that it becomes even more heartbreaking to walk away:

“But if I give up now that means that this was all for nothing…” 

This type of thinking will keep you stuck. You need and deserve someone who is really going to value you. Someone who shows you consistent effort in giving to the relationship is the number one quality you’re looking for in a man. End of story!

Anyway watch this video quickly to help you choose the right men to focus on.

If you are really committed to changing your dating patterns then I’m happy to say, we are also running a brand new Commanding Love workshop on June 5th at 14:00-18:00 UK time.

This is a purely digital workshop so we welcome women from all over the world. Until Wednesday we also can offer you 20% off attendance by using the code earlybird at checkout.

Commanding Love Workshop

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
Back to Blog