As your dating coach, my goal is to teach you how you can make a clear and confident move on women that you like.
Many men I coach come to be because they feel invisible to the women they’d like to attract. If this is you, I want you to know that right now you’re not invisible to her because you’re unattractive, you’re invisible to her because you’re holding back and not being clear that you like her.
The reason you’re holding back with her is because you respect her: You don’t want to intrude, or ruin her day, or make her feel uncomfortable. Your intention here is really positive - you’re one of the good guys.
However, there’s a catch to holding back (and quietly hoping she’ll choose you.)
If you send a lukewarm signal, you only ever get a lukewarm response.
Then because you only get a lukewarm response, you don’t make a move, and she doesn’t know you exist.
Instead, I want to coach you to create a virtuous circle with your dating life: I want you to make a move on her with greater clarity, get a clearer response, then move on (with her, or to someone else.)
This is your simple, socially intelligent guide to getting on her radar as a romantic option.
1. Start With A Compliment (About Who She Is)
Before you ask her out, you need a small but meaningful moment of connection. Whilst you don’t need to have spoken to her for hours, it will also feel jarring for her to be asked out by a man who knows nothing about her.
The vast majority of men don’t move too quickly, they move too slowly. They spend too long attempting to build a connection with conversation and messages before they feel “safe” enough to ask her out. They hold back, and she loses excitement.
A simple litmus test of, “have I done enough to ask her out?” is simply to think “can I pay her a compliment about who she is?”
Anyone can compliment her on her looks, is your connection unique enough that you can pick up on something else about her?
(Sidenote: This is also important for your standards as a man, of course you want a girlfriend you’re attracted to, but what else is there about her that makes you like her? Looks alone shouldn’t be enough.)
Women respond when you notice their energy, personality, or contribution to a conversation. For examples:
“I really like how positive you are — it makes you easy to talk to.”
“I like your confidence — it’s refreshing.”
“I like how grounded you seem.”
“You’re fun to talk to — I wasn’t expecting that.”
If you can pay her a compliment that’s personal to her, she knows you couldn’t have said that to anyone else. This helps her to feel like you’ve noticed her, you’re appreciating her and it gives you a feedback loop - does the compliment land? Does she light up when you say this to her?
2. Suggest A Clear Next Step
After your compliment, you need to add a simple action step. Women aren’t used to being the leaders in romantic relationships and will expect you to initiate the next step. (I know not all men love this role, but if you can get comfortable with initiating it’s one of the most powerful ways you can grow your dating life.)
When you make a move, you always want to lead with clarity. It can be tempting here to disguise your date as a hang out. Your logic might be, “if I go with something softer, she’ll feel less pressure and I’m less likely to get a hard rejection.”
A lot of men hide their attraction because:
- They don’t want to be seen as pushy
- They’re scared of rejection
- They’ve absorbed years of “approaching women is creepy” messaging
- They’ve been taught to play it safe and hope she chooses them
This logic is back to front. Whilst you save yourself from a clear no, you also never get a clear yes. Clarity is important for dating women. Not only do you want to offer them a “clear contract” for who you are, and what you want; getting a clear answer is a positive thing! When you ask her out with clarity and confidence you both save time and know where you stand. Remember, you’re being clear because you respect her.
If she says “no thanks” it’s temporarily painful, but nowhere near as painful as waiting and hoping she’ll choose you.
For this reason I want you to avoid “friendly hang” language that keeps you safe but invisible:
❌ “We should hang out.”
❌ “We could catch up.”
❌ “Maybe I’ll see you at the next dance class.”
Instead you want to use that personal compliment you just gave her as your launch pad to suggest a date. This way she understands that you want to get to know her better, not just do an activity together. It’s a subtle but important difference.
For example:
“You’re the most interesting person I’ve met this evening, let me get your number?”
“I like talking to you, I’ve got to run but let me get your number?”
“Dancing together in class is fun but I’m intrigued by you, how about we grab a drink after class next week?”
3. Know When To Insist Once (And When To Let Go)
Now to make a move successfully, not only am I going to suggest you be clear with her once, but I want you to politely insist just one time.
This will feel daunting. Let me explain my reasoning to you.
Sometimes it’s a hard “no”
When you make a move, sometimes you get a hard and clear no:
- She tells you she’s seeing someone.
- She tells you she’s not looking to date anyone right now.
- She says thank you but she’s not interested or only sees you as a friend.
- She tells you how she’s impossibly busy and won’t be available for the next year (this is a soft “no”).
In any of these circumstances where she doesn’t hesitate and clearly articulates a reason, accept what she says and move on.
Sometimes it’s an “I’m not sure”
However, sometimes women aren’t quite sure where they want to go with this next. Women often don’t clearly know if they like you or not because they haven’t spent much time with you yet.
Sometimes women hesitate not because it's a no but because:
- They’re nervous
- They’re unsure
- They want you to lead
- They don’t know you yet
- They’re testing if you’re confident enough to handle a little ambiguity
She likes you, but she’s not sure about her romantic feelings. Men are the sprinters of attraction, whilst women usually take longer to get warmed up. If she’s wavering it can be worth (just once!!) to offer her a gentle step down.
For example:
- You asked for her number, shoot for social media exchange instead.
- You suggested dinner, start with a drinks after work.
- You suggested going out then / there, take her number to figure out a plan another time.
If she still waivers after that, let it go! However you might be surprised with a nudge how many women will decide to give it a shot. In my own life, I remember my husband offered to walk me home from the gym where we met. My initial thought was, “no,” not because I didn’t like him but because it meant it was a longer round trip for him, and I didn’t want to lead him on. When he reassured me that the extra steps were a good trade off to get to know me better, I relaxed and I felt more able to say “yes sure.”
I know making a move on a woman you like can be confrontational: Rejection is painful, and I know how badly you don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. However, if you’re the guy who is respectful, considerate and has good intentions, you need to allow women to realise that you exist.
Women don’t fall for men who “hover around being nice.” They fall for men who:
- Notice them for who they truly are.
- Make a clear move.
- Stay relaxed about the outcome (if she says no, that’s okay because someone else who is better suited will say yes.)
Ready to stop feeling invisible and start moving your dating life forward with confidence?Join my men's dating Masterclass — a 6-week coaching program that gives you real-world skills for real-world results.👉 Enrol today.
