Let’s be candid: Dating apps aren’t working. If you’re a guy in your 30s, 40s, or 50s, dating apps may well feel like another job, without the upside!
You would love to meet a woman in your everyday life… but you don’t want to be “that guy.”
I want to coach you to find that “sweet spot” between being too cautious with women (and them never seeing you as a romantic partner), and being too much that you feel you’re overstepping boundaries.
Let’s go into some of the details about how you can master socially intelligent ways to meet women in real life — a skillset that’s subtle, respectful, and powerful.
If you’re a professional man tired of dating apps,take your dating life up a level with help from a top dating coach.
What “Socially Intelligent” Actually Means
Socially intelligent men read the room. They are self aware of their own actions, and emotionally well tuned to how women may feel in their company.
Being socially intelligent is a super attractive quality. This is partly because when it comes to social intelligence studies have shown women out perform men in 11 out of 12 “emotional intelligence competencies.”
Men are of course very intelligent in many other areas, but when it comes to social skills, women have got you guys licked!
This means women crave social intelligence in a partner and are often viscerally turned off when a guy does something that’s socially unintelligent (think: OTT flirting online, or asking her out when she’s not remotely interested.) Even handsome, successful men can have their dating outcomes dinged if they lack good social skills.
That’s where I come in, I help coach men how to meet women in the real world in a nuanced, socially smart way.
This gives you confidence that you’re meeting her in a way that is respectful, and attractive. Great social skills are an easy plus for your all round appeal, and significantly cheaper than a Lamborghini.
Knowing When (and When Not) to Approach
Here’s the deal: Women LOVE the idea of meeting a great guy in a natural, real world setting. (You both reach for the same high protein salad at the same time… Isn’t this the romcom dream?!)
However, women will also quickly shut down and feel uncomfortable if they sense a man isn’t “reading the room.”
Signals she’s open to being approached:
- She's not buried in her phone or facing away
- She makes eye contact or glances in your direction
- She’s taking in her environment or browsing (bookshops, art galleries etc)
- She’s walking slowly, or is sitting down.
Often women will still be receptive to being approached even if they seem to be sending you a “no” signal through their actions such as:
- Headphones in.
- Actively talking to someone else with no natural pause.
- Scrolling on her phone.
Try not to imagine what might happen if you talk to her, instead say hello (more on how to do this shortly) and then give her space to respond. If she doesn’t make eye contact, gives very short answers or won’t reciprocate when you offer your name - pull the ripcord by wishing her a great day.
Apart from showing you’ve “read the room” you also want to focus your efforts on women who are naturally open, receptive and willing to chat.
Conversation Starters that Feel Natural (Not Scripted)
Bad conversations feel forced, not reciprocal and overly scripted.
Good conversations feel natural, fluid and present.
This is why if you overly plan a conversation with her, before you’ve even started it’s likely that this will backfire by either you not starting the chat with her at all, or coming across as robotic.
I get it. You want the chat with her to be confident, smooth and charismatic - but shoot too close to Sean Connery and your natural personality will get lost.
Instead, get started with meeting women in real life, using an opening line that’s simple and confident:
“Hey, this might sound random, but…”
“I saw you from across the room and thought I’d kick myself if I didn’t say hi.”
“Hi, I just saw you and I wanted to say “hi”.... “Hi!”
Sometimes you notice something about her, or the environment you’re in, and you can use this as a conversational building block to get started:
“Hey, I like how you’re seriously deliberating between those two salads…”
“I don’t know about you, but this instructor always kills me - I don’t know why I keep coming back…”
“Excuse me, I wanted to say I like your necklace, it’s super unusual…”
When inspiration strikes, and you notice something about her this is a gift but don’t rely on your brain whipping up great situational conversation starters when you’re just starting out. Instead remember every conversation you start (no matter how clumsily!) is an opportunity for you to connect with her in the real world and a solid alternative to dating apps.
How to Approach Groups
From my years of experience coaching men and women how to meet in real life, I can tell you when you’re out in the wild you will face obstacles that press your fear button and make you lose opportunities.
Here’s how to work around some of the most common “obstacles” you’ll face when you’re learning to meet women offline.
She’s with a friend:
- Women rarely go out in the evenings solo, so her being with a friend (or 3!) is a common scenario.
- Women don’t realise that going out with a group of friends makes them intimidating to approach.
- Yes, some women go out just to catch up 1-1 but lots will be open to meeting a great guy - provided he’s socially intelligent!
- Start by acknowledging that you’re interrupting, “excuse me, I know I’m gatecrashing but I wanted to say….”
- Use a conversation starter that addresses them both, “...I love how you snagged the best spot in here…”
- Keep it low-pressure: "I’ll be quick — I’ve got to get back to my friends…”
- Offer your name, “I’m Daniel by the way…”
- Establish what you’re working with, “...so how do you know each other? I’m sensing this is a since creche connection?”
Here I want you to notice that rather than reading a woman who is out with friends as a hard “no” to approach, you try to find socially intelligent work arounds that enable you to still take action, whilst being respectful.
There’s equally plenty of things you can do if she’s wearing headphones, typing on a laptop or is running out of a gym class. Once these social scenarios become “workable” you’ll discover just how many opportunities open up.
Also - mindset! - you’re a great guy, you offer a lot, and if she’s single this is a great opportunity for her too!
What If She’s Not Receptive?
Social intelligence often equals correctly reading the first 10 seconds of an interaction. If she’s short, distracted, closed off: thank her and exit gracefully
“No worries, enjoy the rest of your day!” (said with a smile and no shame)
Whilst I understand that this scenario might put you off real world dating coaching, in reality the vast majority of your interactions are going to be confidence boosting. First of all you’ll feel great for conquering your fears, and most women (even if they’re not romantically attracted) will be happy to chat for a while. You’ll most likely wind up positively surprised by how much women want to talk to you.
If she’s not open to chatting, reframe that “rejection” as data. You’ll either learn something you could be doing differently (whoops, you stood >1 meter away and that felt a bit much) or you’ll learn she’s not really rejecting you (she doesn’t know you) but she’s rejecting the situation.
That’s okay! There’s a lot of understandable reasons from low social confidence, to a bad break up, to being busy. You want to meet a woman who is as interested in dating as you are. If that’s not this woman, that’s okay, add value to her day with a positive goodbye and move on.
Final Thought: Confidence Is Awareness, Not Force
Socially intelligent men aren’t pushy — they’re aware, composed, and warm. Instead of thinking of things as straight no’s i.e. ‘Women don’t want to meet men in real life…’ they find smart workarounds to common obstacles.
Bottom line, by learning how to broaden their dating channels and not rely on dating apps, they create a ton more opportunities. Meeting women in real life, also delivers a confidence boost that’s impossible to recreate on dating apps and help you to hone your dating skills, so when you do end up on a date with a woman you’re highly attracted to, you’re ready!
Approaching women well is a learnable skill. If you want to learn how to meet women in real life without ever second guessing yourself, try real-world coaching with dating expert Hayley Quinn. If you’re a high effort guy who’s ready to change his life, book your free consultation here.
FAQS
Q: Do women still want to be approached by men in real life?
A: Yes, many women still want to be approached by confident, socially intelligent men — especially in natural real-life settings like COED fitness events, singles get togethers and interest based meet-ups. Approaching women in real life can feel more authentic and exciting than dating apps — if done respectfully.
Q: Where are the best places to meet women in real life?
A: In cities like London or New York, great spots include cafés, galleries, fitness studios, and social meetups. The real key is not the venue, but your mindset. As a professional man, developing strong social skills opens up opportunities everywhere you go. It’s less about “where to meet women in real life” more about “how do I approach them respectfully when I get there.”
Q. Why do high-achieving men struggle with dating apps — and what’s the alternative?
A. Many high-achieving men feel frustrated by dating apps and disconnected from how to meet women naturally. That’s where real-world coaching comes in. It’s a practical, structured way to build your confidence, social skills, and ability to create real connection — starting from everyday life. Dating apps are like window shopping, and it’s easy to get filtered out by women you like. Nothing beats your in person ability to communicate who you are and build a connection.
Q: What if I come across as creepy or interrupt her day?
A: That’s where social intelligence comes in. Approaching isn’t creepy — being unaware of her signals is. If you’re tuned in to her body language and give her an easy, pressure-free exit, most women will appreciate the confidence it takes to say hello. You’re not forcing a connection — you’re giving her the opportunity to meet a great guy.
