I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Hayley, no, there's not. Believe me, I've looked!" It's time to remove this dating block!
Ok, maybe your belief goes even deeper than that.Maybe you're thinking:
- After a certain age, it's a well-known fact that all the good guys are already taken.
- Men are intimidated by me.
- Dating apps have meant no one wants commitment anymore.
- I only attract toxic guys. It happens every time.
Right now, these beliefs may feel true for you. Once you decide to remove your dating block,this is where the work starts.
Because I'm sure you don't want me to tell you, that these beliefs are not serving, or empowering you. They are dating blocks that form a toxic narrative you hold around dating that's keeping you stuck.
I am not saying this to be combative. I am saying it because it would be a disservice to the smart, incredible woman that you are if you did not address this.
Fundamentally, you have a choice. Either this is your reality and you are doomed, or you can open up just a small window of possibility finding a great guy could happen to you.
Remember: People of all ages, form relationships all the time.
That's not to say that it has always been plain sailing or that they never made a bad decision. Nevertheless, it happens.Surely it can, and will, happen to you.(If, of course, that's what you want)
There's a huge change I see with my coaching clients when they get off the "this whole this is broken" mindset and onto the "actually, yeah, I could see myself enjoying dating again. Hence I do trust that I will meet someone great in the end".
But Hayley, How?
My speciality is to design practical exercises that will help you succeed in dating.
This could be as practical as getting that hot guy at the bar to approach you and then ask you out. (He will think he started it, it's almost magical).
Or it could be how you can start to dismantle these ugly beliefs that are blocking you from recognising opportunities. More importantly, making you feel down every day that goes by.
Change takes time and effort.
My clients go on a rollercoaster of practical exercises to change their beliefs, but there's something simple I'll give to you today to start reworking yours.
What we're going to do is create a new statement of intent around dating: I call it the "I trust myself" ritual.
Oh yawn, yes we're in the land of mantras! But let's try to create one that you can believe in. Even if you're dubious, please try this exercise to help you identify the specific work you need to do.
This exercise is made up of three, simple parts that will transform your mindset.
Step 1: Acknowledge your past experiences.
I know you're thinking "how can I possibly have a positive belief around dating because all of my past experiences have told me..."
This is specifically why I want you to begin your statement of intent around dating with the phrase "up until now.." Besides, this allows you to acknowledge what your reality has been and simultaneously consign it to the past.
Here's an example: "Up until now, I haven't had any good experiences with dating. I feel like every time I am vulnerable enough to like someone, it ends in disaster".
This takes us to:
Part 2: State your plan!
"Right now I am working on..."
Rather than dating being something that just happens to you("I attract the weirdest guys!) now is the time to acknowledge what you need to work on: what changes are you making?
Notice this section is in the present tense, as it is also about committing to change.
Without accountability, you will operate from disempowering states and beliefs such as "It's not my destiny to meet someone" etc.
So, yes, I want you to state the change. Here's an example:
- "Right now, I am working on slowing it down. I am taking my time to get to know people..."
- "Right now, I am working on being more open, I am giving people a chance again..."
- "Right now, I am working on meeting men: I am trying to at least notice opportunities around me"
Part 3:What you'd like to see happen.
Finally, this is where the magic happens. Here's where you create positive expectations around dating and openness about how things can be different in the future.
It's simple. Start with the phrase: "I remain open to..."You don't need to believe it (yet), this section is just about creating space for change to happen!
Here are some examples:
- "I remain open to love and connection..."
- "I remain open to the possibility that this could happen to me..."
- "I remain open to being positively surprised..."
This is just one exercise from my new programme. If you are open to skills-based training around how you can interact with dating in this powerful and different way I recommend you head over to www.hayleyquinn.com/circle
This is my little gateway to a different way you approach your dating life. I hope to see you on the inside!