Have the confidence of a bad boy, social intelligence of a nice guy
Troublemaker v Sweetheart
by coach Jack
How to have the confidence of a bad boy and social intelligence of a nice guy is the perfect balance of attracting people without affecting the other areas of your life for the worse.
If you were anything like me before I learnt of the principles of attraction and social skills, you may be familiar with messages like these:
“Hey Jack, was nice to meet you the other day, although I must say I want to honest in that I don’t feel anything between us, but hang in there you and you’ll be a great boyfriend for someone, and good luck with the karate stuff”.
You may buy into this idea for a while and think, “Great! I need to reinforce how nice I am and surely the women will come flocking with the same strategy I’ve used over and over, right?” Wrong.
Being a nice guy doesn’t make much sense as the strong women in your life will rarely promote the idea of you going around being a jerk.
Or at the same time, you reach the intermediate stage of learning to attract women and your female friends start saying to you.
“Look, I’m pleased that you have this new ‘confidence’ but you’re kind of obsessing about this whole day game stuff and it’s coming off a bit arrogant”.
You think to yourself she’s probably just annoyed, or how does she dare call you arrogant.
Or you start getting really good at the attracting part but not so good at the keeping part.
Luckily there is a middle ground of having the confidence of a bad boy and social intelligence of a nice guy.
Bad boy vs Nice guy
It is possible to attract lots of women, have casual relationships, and still be a good dude. Transparency is absolutely key to having the best of both worlds. At the same time, if you want a monogamous committed relationship this doesn’t mean that you’re a wimp.
What is really important to say is that everything should be a choice and this is not always the case for the ‘nice guy’.
Three most common mistakes of the nice guy:
- Hides his sexuality
- Fears rejection to the point of inactivity
- Overly accommodating
Three most common mistakes of the bad boy:
- Ruins a lot of potential relationships via self-sabotage
- Is generally considered rude or selfish by the people he is close to.
- Is very vulnerable and finds it hard to be close to people.
Both in honesty are not great and are very harmful long term. An authentic bad boy is much rarer than a nice guy. Someone who can do both is even rarer and the most attractive to everyone.
Lots of casual sex for a man is generally looked down upon but secretly admired by society. People who have a lot of sex with different partners are mostly ‘bad boys’.
So people who can’t do what they do in terms of attraction tend to rationalise it by saying or thinking when she realises how bad those drug dealers are and realises how nice I am, she’s bound to go for me.
This gives his ego a nice little rub to make him feel better that he’s not that attractive to women.
The three most attractive qualities in a man
These will give you access to how to have the confidence of a bad boy and social intelligence of a nice guy are:
Bad boys will have high amounts of these qualities, however, they have a lot of other unnecessary qualities as well.
These qualities are not exclusive to bad boys, any man can have them. As with anything they need to be worked on and developed over time.
Where the confidence comes from is an overwhelming sense of self-belief. Believing that you should be doing something and that you have a reason to be there.
If I see an attractive woman, I feel entitled to tell her that I find her attractive. I have many experiences to back this action up.
From previous successful memories, I learn that when I see an attractive woman, good things happen for me and good things happen for them as well.
If you adopt this way of thinking, you will see that you create an atmosphere of excitement between the two of you.
In the start of the journey of learning to attract people, it’s quite common to have a feeling of ‘she is too pretty to be interested in someone like me. I don’t have a chance with her.’
This is affecting your confidence negatively and will ultimately show in your body language.
However, the process in which you develop the confidence of a bad boy and social intelligence of a nice guy will steadily raise your self-assurance, once action at a time.
This is a very similar idea of creating dominant behaviour. At the Hayley Quinn academy, these are behaviours which we work with our clients on, for example, how to create and maintain personal standards and not give in to an attractive person.
To give you a rough idea on how to create personal standards is to simply write down things that are really valuable to you.
Is timekeeping really important for you? Can you realistically date someone who is always late and gives poor excuses?
How about if she has slightly bigoted and small-minded views on things? It is not your job not to stand for this and keep your terms.
Independence is the last element key to attraction. This doesn’t refer to having your own place and choosing your bedtime – well, in some ways it does – but independence is something much bigger than that.
Being emotionally independent is the ability to not need anything from other people. Not to need their attention, or their validation in order to feel complete.
Independence, I believe, is the hardest element of the three to develop. Confidence and dominance can be learnt and improved on in a matter of hours. Independence is a much slower process.
Once you feel that you have these qualities. The other aspects that are very attractive to people generally are to be transparent, passionate about what you do and altruistic.
This is where you are no longer a baseline attraction machine. You do the things in your life on your terms but make the people around you feel happy and loved.