Being excluded from a group conversation sucks: Particularly when you're trying hard to make a connection with a woman that you like... As a dating coach I've helped thousands of men, in a practical and hands on way, to be more confident in group conversations.
- How can you join in a conversation when you don't have anything to say about the current topic?
- What should you do when you're on the edge of a conversation and a more confident guy is taking the lead?
- How can you socialise successfully if you're a natural introvert?
To help in this area, I created this short video tutorial and I will be giving further examples of how to exude confidence in group conversations throughout this blog:
So before we crack into some social skills techniques, let’s start where it always starts, with your mindset.
Part of why being locked out of a group conversation can feel so painful, is that it can make you feel like you’re being "out mastered" by another guy who’s more socially confident in groups.
If you are a natural introvert this can reinforce the idea that being an extrovert is always better than being an introvert. So with that big caveat out of the way, what are some subtle signals that you might have missed?
To step outside of this disempowering thinking, you’ve first got to recognise "this guy isn’t my competition..."
To understand why I want you to recognise 2 important details:
- She is probably not sitting back thinking, "well which of these 2 contenders am I going to choose to go on a date with?" In all likelihood she’s just having a social conversation and the idea that you 2 are "jousting" over her just doesn’t resonate!
- Imagine you’re Liam Hemsworth... would you really be all that perturbed by another man joining in your conversation? Right. So if you truly have strong self esteem, then you’re always a market of one. You’re you and if she doesn’t like what you have to offer well, then someone else will.
So next time another guy joins your group conversation the trick is to not think "here’s my competition..."
It’s: "here’s another person who I may, or may not also be able to form a connection with. As for the woman I’m speaking to, I know I’m attracted to her, but let’s see what else she has to offer and if there’s any connection there..."
Once you’ve got this mindset in place, then it will become easier, and more natural for you to engage with the following social skills for groups.
So are you ready to learn how to exude confidence in a group interaction? Great.
Tip 1: Crowning.
Are you ready for a metaphor? Crowning is like when a king is crowned by a priest: The priest has the authority to crown the king, and by interacting with the king in this way demonstrates his social status.
So when you award praise to someone and engage, there’s a way to do this that establishes your social status, and doesn’t make you appear like a sycophant.
Check out these examples.
Here’s an example of being a people pleaser and drowning someone in compliments:
"Wow, that's so cool! I could never do that."
Versus giving a "crowning compliment":
"You know I think what you’re saying about... is really interesting, I hadn’t thought about it that way before."
Crowning compliments show you have social authority, aren’t scared to share an opinion, and are a positive, supportive, non-threatened person.
Tip 2: Relate.
You can also use just about any topic of conversation as an opportunity to rejoin the conversation if you’ve been locked out of it. If you're able to join in, the chances are that you're also going to find your confidence in group conversations. One of the simplest ways of doing this is by relating to someone.
Here's an example:
Them: "I’ve just got back from Cyprus."
You: "That’s on my travel list. I did Malta recently but I’ve never checked that place out."
Now I know what you’re thinking: That there’s an obvious snag if you don’t have anything in common. This is where you’ve got to remember that you don’t have to have the exact thing in common to relate to someone, instead you can connect on the feeling or experience of doing something.
Them: "I just got back from a snowboarding trip."
You: "You know what? I’ve never tried snowboarding but I do really like to surf."
You: "I bet that’s great for just clearing your head and being in the moment. I get that too when I do a long run."
You: I wish I could be like you, I have a lifelong dislike of snow. Just can’t down with it. Probably something to do with growing up in a hot climate.
All of these statements are relating to the topic at hand, but none of them require you to snow board.
Tip 3: Connect 1-1 with someone!
Introverts can be sexy too. If everyone’s crowded around listening to an extrovert holding court, then use this as an opportunity to connect one on one with someone. Look around at the other people listening, do you catch anyone’s eye? Can you stand near that person? Can you splinter off for a one on one conversation?
Not everyone prefers talking in groups, so make the most of your more introverted social skills by offering someone else the chat one on one. You
"He’s got some great stories. I’m Mike by the way..."
Look, I’ve worked with thousands of people over the years teaching them to be the most confident, attractive versions of themselves, and you’re going to have to trust me that there’s not one way to be attractive. Work with what YOU’VE got.
I really hope this blog has helped you, and as always huge respect from me for having the courage to tackle this area of your life.