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Five reasons why she cancels on you

About once a year I write a blog about WHY she flakes/ cancels/ continually reschedules/ ditches out on your date. Because:

a. I bet it’s happening to you, particularly if you’re meeting a lot of women online

b. because this is a weird growing modern day problem, like RSI from typing on your iphone too much

c. It’s really crap.

I mean, I have cancelled/ rescheduled a fair amount in my yester year but the more I think about it/ grow up I realise that it’s really not cool for someone to save their time for you, only for you to flippantly just not show up.

However… these ‘adult’ recognitions around how it makes you a better human to be vaguely punctual and keep to your commitments are ones that are still passing lots of people (especially women you want to date) by. It’s not because she’s evil that she does this, it’s because she…

1. Doesn’t even see cancelling as a problem. You’ve probably seemed ‘keen’ to meet, and so she assumes because you like her you’ll cut her some slack again this time.

2. She likes you, but isn’t convinced (this is OK if you’ve only just met, she working out how she feels) and so her commitment to you falls down the priority list behind her commitments to her friends. Her friends are so important to her because through her expanded friendship circles she gets emotional support and invitations to places where she may meet someone exciting. So don’t expect to jump straight to number one on her list. And she shouldn’t be number one on your list either.

3. Cancelling is routine even in her friendship circles. Part of maintaining her large network of people means that making ‘faux’ arrangements and then cancelling them is actually culturally normal as a sign that ‘hey I want to keep in touch with you, but not to the extent I’ll invest in knowing you better yet’. Yes this is the worst of fake friendship but having distanced friendships largely conducted on Twitter is normal for many people.

4. It’s easy to cancel! Back in the day I imagine if someone cancelled last minute that would have meant someone really pissed off sitting in the pub waiting. You’d been stood up. Standing someone up doesn’t happen anymore. You get stood up before you’ve left the house, via watsapp. So it’s not nearly as bad, right?

5. She’s not ready to meet you yet. If someone ‘spooks’ at the level of intimacy you’re offering, they’re probably not going to be the best match for you right now. Don’t drag horses to water, go find another horse.

On this note… if a woman (or anyone for that matter) is capable of keeping an arrangement, does as they say they will do, has some integrity, and is open, ready to meet people don’t freak out and run away from them. Praise and keep these people! They’re showing strong signs of having they life together so keep the good karma up by maintaining your relationship to them.

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