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How to Have a Threesome with Your Girlfriend

I’m not going to spend ages telling you tricks to convince your girlfriend to have a threesome, for two best friends to come to bed with you, or how to make a woman complicit to doing something she doesn’t want to do.

threesome girlfriend

You’ve heard it all before and it’s uncool: instead I want to tell you the single most important concept you have to work with if you and your girlfriend want to explore threesomes or more open relationships (find more about understanding her here.)

If it is just you who is driving for a threesome with your girlfriend and she hasn’t communicated that she is open to this: hold tight. Are you maybe looking into sexual exploration as the physical connection between you isn’t the same, are you tempted to cheat, do you want to see other women but not let go of her? That is another blog post. The best advice I can give for now is don’t have sexual experiences (threesomes with your girlfriend or otherwise) to escape dealing with yourself or your existing relationships. The high of the thrill of the chase can be quite a stunning distraction from making tough decisions about your relationship, or communicating what you need, but it is a temporary plaster at best. It isn’t the solution. It is also not always sexy or fun unless you have the building blocks of it right.

From years working in the world of dating, I’ve heard a lot of people tell me a lot of their most closely guarded secrets and desires. Over the years I’ve noticed trends: women becoming more open about their sexuality, couples putting joint profiles on Tinder, a strange pride of ‘giving a man his first threesome’ as a trend. (Personally I am of course of the belief that if you want to have a threesome go for it – but don’t do things to please, keep or entertain others.)

Never have a threesome in order to:

1. Keep your partner from straying

2. To impress them into thinking you’re like the coolest person eve.

3. Because they’re attracted to someone else and you want to not hold them back (but inside the reaction you get to it is nausea not arousal).

Trying to manipulate your girlfriend into a threesome under any of those grounds is bad form. If you’re that dis-satisfied sexually in your relationship, if you can’t face having sex with your partner. if you really, really want to hook up with someone else: come clean, talk about it openly, vulnerably or break up.

Talking about desire can feel risky but it is okay. It is in fact a key way you can build back in some of that emotional intimacy and physical attraction you may have been craving. Also there is a reasonable chance that your partner may feel the same. It is easy to think of men as sexually open and women as craving stability. Apart from the fact sexuality and stability are not oppositional forces, you do not know what she wants unless you check in with her. If you are on the same page, or not on totally different ends of the book here are a few practical steps you can also use to work towards a threesome with your girlfriend.

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Let her:

  1. Set the boundaries of how far you go the first time: if they’re only comfortable with a threesome make out to begin with, start there and then move on. Threesomes can make people feel emotionally exposed and vulnerable, particularly if not everyone is participating for the right reasons. Sometimes you just don’t know how you feel about something until you get there. Start small, know you can trust one another, change the perimeters of your boundaries over time.
  2. Be 100% honest with them: Keep your integrity, be honest with your partner, and with yourself about your intentions. Open relationships are built on solid trust. This means that you don’t try to set up a threesome with your girlfriend, and the woman you were tempted to see behind her back. This means you do not go on a mission to find a suitable woman on Tinder and then surprise your partner with this information. It means actually listening to her desires.
  3. Pick the guest star: Allowing them to choose the third party is your way of saying, ‘I trust you to respect our relationship, I accept your sexuality, and you’re in control.’ There will be times where you or your girlfriend is more invested in the third party than the other. To manage these situations allow her to take the lead on finding people who she is interested by. Then consider three way dates to explore new relationships before jumping into the desired high-octane finale. This allows everyone to get comfortable, establish some ground rules, and check in with themselves if this is something they want to take past just flirtation.
  4. Have total Ripcord power: If at any stage your partner isn’t 100% comfortable, even if you really, really want the threesome to go ahead your partner can call the whole thing off. Or if the situation is reversed you can say ‘actually no’ without the fear of emotional punishment or retribution. This shows that you respect and want your relationship to work more than hooking up with a random third party. If you don’t think that’s fair: you need to reassess how you feel about your partner.

Bottom Line: Empower your partner, share with your partner, act as a team.

Wow! This blog is actually a new draft of one I wrote maybe 5 years ago but I’ve seen a lot of you checking it out online so I wanted to tweak it up. If you are reading this as a single guy and would like to learn more then I’d recommend a play of my provocatively titled but genuinely informative ‘Inside Her Mind’ course. Start with connection and communication. Decisions are alwats two way, sometimes three way.

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