Conversation Skills
For Men

Sexting- Things You Need To Know Before You Do It!

November 15, 2021
▪ 3 mins read

Sexting: How to do it?

Sexting: a topic we need to talk about more to help you do it successfully! So, how do you sext a woman? Now being very British, this topic is going to make me feel embarrassed really quickly. So I'm just going to give you three very important pointers about how to successfully sext women in a way that is consensual, modern, and actually sexy to her.

Enthusiastic consent

So the first really important point to remember is that when you are sexting a woman, you really need to have enthusiastic consent from her. You want her to be really participating in this interaction.  

If you try to flirt or sext with a woman out of context, it will be met with the same level of enthusiasm, as when a cat brings in a dead bird and drops it on her doorstep. Do not go right in there and send a dick pic* or something really sexual out of the blue.  

(*Also please note this unsolicited contact may soon be made illegal in the UK, that’s how much you want to avoid it.)  

Sending unwanted sexual messages is going to communicate exactly the wrong message about you as a guy. It's gonna suggest you haven’t actually listened to anything that's going on in this conversation. You haven't taken feedback and cues from her, but just decided to sexualize your interaction.  

Because the sexiness doesn't fit into the context of what you've been talking about, it's gonna communicate that you don't know what you're doing. This will not turn her on.  

Remember, the messages that you send need to make sense within the context of what you're talking about. And she needs to participate and show enthusiastic consent for anything that she may receive.  

Getting there gradually

The second point you want to work on is you don't want to go 0 to100. Here, you really want to work on building this up gradually. And slowly. This can be done through the form of photos throughout the day.  

So if you're swapping pictures of stuff that you're doing, then you send a picture of yourself, she sends a picture of herself. You could send a picture while lying in the bed, then she reciprocates. We need to see a reciprocation that's purely visual. Or you can say something which invites reciprocation.

I'm deliberating on whether to send this picture to you or...

This gives her a clear opportunity to inquire about the content of the picture. To say she is not interested in seeing the content of that picture, or to enthusiastically consent. Again, you can think about other messages, which are going to invite her to ask for more. You could say: Be right back. I'm just about to go in the shower... That's a good opportunity that if she wants to say something a bit flirty here she can.  

When it comes to sexting, think about how you can create a springboard into the flow that gets her consent and gets her excited to hear more, rather than dropping into something out of context.  

Use other mediums, not just visual

Point three, don't just be visual. There are other forms of communication that can be really exciting. This can be done by saying something: I want to hear how much you're turned on. Or you could take a step further and offer to show her what an effect she has on you with a video.  

You want to be able to mix and match between not just going into pictures but also using video or audio notes. Think about creative ways that you can express that attraction, whether that's going to be voice notes, recordings, quick phone calls.


I hope you found this quick blog useful. I've got so much advice on text messaging in my new texting ebook. It’s a culmination of years of collecting and creating advice on how to use texting in order to have the best relationship possible. As a member of my HQ Club you get a complimentary copy of the ebook - head here for more details.

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