When to send the ‘Let’s grab a drink Friday’ text?

The art of text – ing!

Let’s deal with the ‘when’ to text first and in a later blog, we’ll deal with ‘how’ with 10 texting rules on how to message a woman.

Just like interactions during real-life the timing of when you swap from just communicating to asking for the date is important. Imagine you’ve just sat down next to some girls in a bar.

How weird would it be for the first thing you say to be asking the girl out on the date? You have no connection to her.

If you asked her out there and then what do you think she’d think of you? Probably that you were only after one thing and that she had better move on- fast!

Similarly, the first text you send shouldn’t go right in for the date: you need to build a little connection first.

This is a balancing act though.

Text too much without suggesting a course for action (like a date) and she will wonder where the interaction is going, and lose interest.


When is the right time to go for the date?

1. Look at the regularity of texts: Is she getting back to you regularly or leaving you hanging? Even if she’s ‘playing it cool’ you’d expect some responses.

2. Is she trying to flirt with you? Girls will rarely be overtly flirtatious via a message if they’re genuinely interested in you. If she’s putting loads of emojis, kisses and calling you affectionate names (like babe, honey or anything else a little sickening!) you may be teetering on the friend zone.

Girls will often be a little bit coyer with guys they’re really into. Too much affection early on suggests that she is very comfortable with you and may not see you like the kind of man she’d want to have a romantic relationship with. 


More important flirting tactics she may use are:

1. Drawing attention to her physical fitness/ prowess.

Any continual references to how she is a gym bunny, just getting into running or has always done yoga because she is flexible could well mean, ‘I’m physically fit and great in bed’. Simple as that.

2. Drawing attention to how she is becoming more attractive.

This could be anything from telling you about a new pair of heels/ manicure she has got (she expects you to be excited at the prospect of her wearing them).

3. Implying she’d be a great girlfriend to you.

Like that she’s a great cook/ loves dancing/ loves football. These things are all seeking your approval and implying that she’d be a great person to have in your life.


Has there been a change in her text style?

 If she has suddenly started replying a lot faster, more frequently, or initiated a text conversation with you it implies that she could be starting to see your relationship differently.

A change in her texting habits could well mean that there has been a change in her personal logistics. She may have broken up with a boyfriend, decided to move on from another man she was interested in, or just decided life’s too short and that she wants to have some fun!

These signals that I’ve spoken about aren’t a hard and fast rule that now is a good time to go for a date: but they are a decent guideline for when is a good time to make your move and swap from talking over text to catching up in real life.

Watch Hayley’s latest YouTube video on 3 Flirty Messages to Send to Her!


To discover more ways that you can turn texts into dates join Hayley’s exclusive, members-only club!


Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
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