Conversation Skills
For Men

What to message her on dating apps?

August 10, 2015
▪ 2 mins read

How to know what to message her

Women can be really unhelpful with their online profiles. Even if you were the most talkative person it can leave you thinking, what to message her? Often all you get is a few snaps of them and no profile. I hate to say it but I think due to online demand to date them women in their early- mid-twenties can be a little lazy on this front. So I get that you suddenlyconjuring up a brilliant, witty, insightful and PERSONAL opening message can be a bit rabbit out of a hat. To help with this (because I'm sat here trusting that you will use these skills wisely and not for evil) I thought I'd share with you three of my favourite 'hello templates' you can use far and wide online!

Hello templates

1. "Good work on the..." -

awarding praise for something you specifically notice about them says 'I'm observant, socially confident and masculine' i.e. lots of good things. What you 'praise' doesn't have to be particularly clever: it could be the range of exotic destinations in her photos, her use of dip dye or her ability to smile whilst holding a rock python.

2. "How's your Wednesday evening going Sarah?" -

a main bugbear of women is the shameless cut and pasting of men looking for a quick ah-hem. Small pieces of personalisation go a long way to diffuse this even if it's just remembering to use her name.

3. "I was always going to have to message first. how about you go second?"

anything that is a little bit more creative/ challenging will make her feel intrigued to enter into conversation with you. Clearly placing the ball in her court brings the conversation to 'the level of the real' and is a ballsy move - plenty of women will like that. With online dating apps, it can feel like a nightmare trying to write something clever; but even if the message isn't 'perfect' it's so much better that you send *something* rather than give it a day to mull it over. This isn't playing it cool, it's losing her interest. If you've matched strike whilst the iron is hot and engage with her. Experiment. Give yourself some permission to say what suits you rather than what you necessarily think will please her, and learn. Some things will work better for you, others, not so much. Your best feedback is in your message inbox, so don't ignore this intel. Love, Hayley x

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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