Are you creating negative beliefs around dating?

June 18, 2015
▪ 2 mins read

The answers are inside, not outside.

When it comes to dating, you may feel like you're trapped in a cycle of:

  • Meeting only the 'bad' guys.
  • Guys only being after one thing.
  • Promising dates disappearing before you get to date 3.

All of which can lead you to just one conclusion: no one is ever really attracted to you. Or perhaps no one likes you to a 'girlfriend' level? Maybe you're just not the kind of woman who's meant to fall in love?  

These are some pretty strong negative beliefs! And I promise you if you walk around with them in your head they will be a barrier to you experiencing anything differently.

Seek and you shall find.

Before you think the universe is only full of losers I want you to question how you're approaching meeting new people... I believe the chances are if we can change how you see things then you're going to start meeting better men. Sounds crazy but it really is true.  

So watch out if you're...

  • Walking around telling yourself negative beliefs around dating. If you believe that your great date will 'go wrong' you'll look out for signs of trouble and interpret his behaviour negatively.
  • You over analyse their behaviour. Most men are not supervillains that premeditate their every move. Most just turn up to see you and see how things go. If you over-interpret their behaviour you'll start to feel anxious, they will then pick up on and respond to your anxiety.

So maybe you're uncertain, not them?

Negative beliefs and dating

  • You think they don't like you (chances are they're getting to know you and haven't made up their mind yet). So you 'test' them to see if they're 100% sure of you by pulling back yourself. This confuses the man, and he withdraws too.
  • You push for commitment in the wrong way and being a decent guy that doesn't want to mess you around, he lets you go.

All of this can be changed simply by you discovering how to submit more to the moment (this is going with the flow but with more self-awareness) and waking up every day to a message that reads 'I will meet a great guy'.  

Developing more trust and openness in yourself (plus great beliefs around dating) is usually women's big battle in meeting someone amazing. So let's see if we can heal you first, then find him second.  

For more advice on how to do this please take the free trial of my member's club, where I answer your questions personally.

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

Stay connected with Hayley
Hayley Quinn Wingman Club left-facing wing icon
By clicking “Accept”, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyse site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Privacy Policy.