Breaking up with him (elegantly)

January 8, 2016
▪ 3 mins read

Hayley chats to Nerea Carrion, Founder of the Happy World Company, about saying goodbye (like a lady!)

The art of breaking up

Today we're gonna talk about breaking up and saying goodbye in the most astounding, elegant, classy way possible. Joining me on this is a wonderful woman called Nerea, who is the founder of The Happy World Company. And the Happy World Company area is where we met relatively recently. It was a birthday party. a gathering of spiritual coach people. And we immediately clicked. We sat down talking today about life, and the concept of how to say that's not for me and let something go in a way that dodges drama.  

When you're thinking about the end, and it could be the end of something big and significant, or maybe just somebody you've been seeing for a month or two. You get a gut instinct or intuition that something isn't right, or something just feels a bit off. You know what you should do already.

The interview

Something really good someone said to me once is, when you're in the wrong relationship, you're two steps away from the right one. You have to get out of this one, you have to get over it, then you have to find someone else. And actually, the way that you cruise through life and find better relationships and more rewarding things in your life more quickly, is that ease at which you let stuff go that isn't right for you.  

When it comes to breaking up for me in the past, I would cling on till the end. The bitter end when sauce got really messy. I'm not a hyper empathetic person that doesn't want to let go. I got real neediness around relationships. That was me in the past. So that was my breaking up the issue. And you said you had the opposite problem where you knew what you wanted to do. And you would make the action so that he would have to?


In my case, I had different transactions. A long time ago, I used to stick with one guy most of the times. Even though I knew he wasn't the right one, I would just stay there.


Because that's comforting, isn't it? We, humans, like to repeat, we like to do what's safe and secure.


After that, I decided, I'm not going to be in a relationship at all. He's gonna be very free, very open. I will never see myself as in a relationship. I will be in love kind of thing. I will have this romance story that us beautiful, but I wouldn't tell the guy we are together. That way, it's easy to break up without really talking. You just feel that things are slowing down. They're not so good. And they just kind of stop.


Lots of women have been on the opposite end of the spectrum with that. Maybe have a guy that you call them love avoidance- always keeps you a little bit at arm's length. It hurts less, they have less love to give, they're less emotionally available, and then they eventually flutter off somewhere. Or they start behaving so unreal,l jaw-droppingly unreasonable that you have to give up.  

The problem with all of this stuff is such an epic waste of time. It's a waste of tears, screaming, caring, energy, ignoring their messages, sending them 20 messages, you shouldn't have sent them and it's just drama, drama, drama, drama, drama. Come on, let's be better than that today. If you're in a scenario, whether it's a short term thing, something hasn't worked or hasn't connected, or you could be in something more long-standing. And maybe you've been questioning this for ages. And maybe you just stumbled upon this podcast and this is exactly what you need to hear.  

We can talk about how to exit in a way, that's gracious. Not only do we want to save you drama and stress and move you on to the next period in your life as smoothly as possible, but I also want you to feel breaking up is not an easy thing to do.  


Listen to the whole episode here!

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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