Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman

Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman

Advice from a man who is still learning

First I would like to introduce myself. My name is Reggie Wade, and I am a writer and social content editor from Brooklyn, New York. I have had the pleasure of knowing Hayley for a little while now, and I love her work. I have not had the most successful romantic life but like Hayley, I’m a firm believer, that that could be turned around with the right approach and frame of mind. My entire life I have been an admirer of love and romance – even though much of that has not been reciprocated. I remain faithful that one day I will find love and companionship. So now that the formalities are out the way let’s get down to business- Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman!

When a man sees an attractive woman, many things go on inside his head. Some of these things might seem crazy, and some things might seem obvious, but some may surprise some of you ladies. Sometimes being a guy is tough, not as tough as being a woman, but there are some things that we have to deal with that throw us off our game. When it comes to dating, it is a jungle out there, and sometimes us guys are our own worst enemy. We will try a hardest to play it off, but these are some fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman.

Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman #1


Yes, just one word for this one; wow. I don’t care how handsome a guy is; I don’t care how cool a guy is. Wow is usually the first thought a man has when he sees an attractive woman. My grandmother always says “There’s no such thing as an ugly woman.” Sure guys may have preferences, but there’s something special, and dare I say magical about women. And I’m not waxing poetic here, the presence of a woman is sometimes overwhelming. Her smile, her eyes she’s a dreamscape of femininity. As a favourite 90’s song once put it.

“She’s so high, high above me; she’s so lovely, she’s so high Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite.”

I think that’s pretty much sums it up. Yeah, the song in the sentiment Maybe a little cheesy now but Hey it was the 90’s, and I think those lyrics captures the point I’m trying to make.

Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman #2

She might be the woman of my dreams

After the “wow” stage, thing progress rather quickly. We start to imagine how great things would be if we got together. I’m not sure if this is a “me” thing or a guy thing in general but have spoken to a few guys who have gone through the exact same thing. We men start to imagine EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING. We imagine going on dates, watching movies, having sex, purchasing a home… I may have gone a little too far, but that’s how it works sometimes. Men are extremely visual creatures, so it’s not uncommon for us to look a bit further down the road.

Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman #3

I have to become cooler immediately

No matter the circumstance, every guy wants to be cool, that increases tenfold when an attractive woman shows up. Guys want to be a mix of David Beckham, Idris Elba and Daniel Craig all rolled into one whenever a beautiful woman is around. We try to stand a little taller and seem uninterested even though we are very interested But looking interested is not cool. And cool in our minds is what gets the job done. Good looks are great, but nothing beats cool.

The facts are this: in dating no one is invulnerable. Seeing someone we like makes us all nervous… here’s another sneaky peak at how men and women face ‘equal but opposite’ challenges in the world of dating. 

Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman

Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman #4

What is she like?

Whenever a guy sees an attractive woman, he will begin to go down the proverbial rabbit hole. He’ll wonder about every inch of the woman’s being. We wonder about her personality, is she cool? Is she sweet? Is she somewhere in between? What’s her favourite colour? What’s her favourite food? And somewhere in there what’s her name? Name it, and we’ve thought about it.

Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman #5

Will she go for a guy like me?

After we’ve psyched ourselves up,  the doubt starts to creep in. “Would she even go for me?” Sadly the answer in many guys minds is “No.  Of course, she won’t go for a guy like me, look at her, she could have any man she wants, and that’s not me.” This is where the journey ends for too many guys, myself included. We don’t give ourselves a shot. And If we don’t give ourselves a chance, why would a woman?

So those are just a few of the many things which go on in a guy’s mind when he sees an attractive woman. This may not be true for every single man, But I would say it’s true for the good portion of men. Society at large puts a lot of pressure on men to be a “Ladies man.” It’s the standard in which many men are judged by. If you’re not smooth with the ladies somehow, you are less of a man. That is why so many rational and irrational fears and feelings go through a guy’s head when he sees a woman he finds attractive.

The woman represents more than herself, she represents the man’s manhood that’s at stake, and that’s not right. That’s where so many problems start. Men many times want to seek female companionship from a place of need rather than want. People should find and seek relationships not because they need them but because they want them.  So I hope this post sheds a little light at what goes on in the male brain.

Thanks, Reggie! x


At Hayley Quinn we’re all about creating transparency and openness around dating: we believe this helps to build your confidence and motivation to get back out there! 

This starts with a little bit of tough love to help you be accountable for why you can’t find love  

We also have a super supportive community for you to join on your journey to learning to love dating, and meeting someone amazing in the process. Find out about our dating advice in the HQ Club here. 


Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
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