If you feel like there's not much going on in your dating life, it's easy to want to go back to the last person you were dating, even if it didn't work out. Instead of being by yourself, you may find yourself accepting dates with people that you're not that interested in. It feels scary to not have anything going on in your dating life particularly if you want to be in a relationship. You feel as if staying single is a form of admitting defeat.
If you really want to meet someone, the 'in the meantime' you have between relationships can feel unnerving. It can feel like you're not making any progress towards your ultimate goals. But, I want to give you five reasons why actually having some space in your life and no dating options is better than settling for bad options.
The first reason to stay single
It's good to maintain some space. By doing so you're coming from a place of trust. You trust in yourself that you will meet someone. You're not stuck in this doom and gloom narrative of limiting beliefs where you feel like you're doomed to be single and there's no good people left for you.
Having trust that in time, you will meet someone you click with, sends a positive message to yourself about your dating life. It helps reinforce a more positive belief about what dating is going to hold for you.
The second reason to stay single
You should have no options instead of a lousy option. When you have no options, it gives you an opportunity to redirect that energy into all the other areas of your life. This could be that you start a new business project or you get a little bit fitter. You reconnect with friends, family members, or make new friends. There's so much more to our lives than dating.
If there's nothing going on in your dating life right now, how can you redirect that energy into something that's going to boost your self-esteem?
The third reason to stay single
You don't want to succumb to pressure. Not everyone has to reach the same goals on the same timeline.
First of all, there's more than one way to be happy. Being in a relationship certainly isn't the only goal that people can have in their lives. It's not the only way that people can experience happiness.
Don't trick yourself into thinking that you should have arrived somewhere on a particular timeframe. You have not entered a race to gain all this stuff in your life. In fact, spending time by yourself can be one of the most valuable experiences you can go through. It will help you not only to meet someone who's well matched with you one day, but also work on personal development.
The fourth reason to stay single
The fourth reason, and this is a big one, is if you sink into the wrong options your dating experiences won't be that positive. You may in fact find that they lower your self-esteem. These wrong options demotivate you.
Spending time with someone who you knew you weren't connected to will bring regrets. Not only does it waste your time, but it also creates more negative expectations for you and your dating life. So save your time and also save your self-esteem and your motivation for someone you're really into.
The fifth reason to stay single
Reason five is all about the message you send to yourself. A simple way to make a decision around dating is to ask yourself:
Does this decision support my self-esteem or not?
So if you feel like you're lowering your standards, or choosing an option because you think it might be the last one left, you're operating from that horrible place of scarcity. You are feeling like you have to do this because this is the only chance you're going to get.
We really need to work out of that mindset and into a place where you recognise there's loads of incredible people out there. Lots of people who want the same things.
Right now you might have to be a little bit patient and focus on other areas of your life. But remember retain that trust in yourself that this is going to happen for you.