Now I am not here to condone many aspects of the pick up artist community: there are definitely some morally dubious characters out there writing up ‘lay reports’ about the women they’ve ‘seduced’. Men without respect for women, or rather any cognition of female sexuality or identity.
BUT – and this is quite a big BUT – I think there are things you can learn from pick up artists.
When I first started my career as a blogger in the pick up artist community in 2010 it was because I wanted to infiltrate this world of sleazy men, and take it down from the inside: like a renegade mole. Apart from this being a really stupid idea, when I first starting getting to know some pick up gurus, and saw the men that turned up at their training events I was surprised that these weren’t evil men, or lame men. They were (by on large) decent guys who wanted the most basic of things: human connection. Yes whilst some dreamt of dating a hot stripper who was a ‘10’ most wanted a woman to give them the time of day, to be in relationships they were happy in. Normal things. And hey there’s a time in most peoples lives when dating someone hot and with status seems like a good idea.
What was most exciting to me, even then, was the idea that these under ground social skills techniques could be used universally. That pick up artists weren’t about anyone conning anyone else, they were about personal development, learning and creating a life of your choosing.
Fast forward 7 years and I wanted to revisit some of my roots in the pick up artist world and give a well balanced interview with some pick up gurus: one that you could learn from.
I travelled to their basecamp – a glamorous beach side villa in St. Tropez. To give it its full moniker: ‘Project St. Tropez’. Here I met pick up artist demi-God Mystery, made infamous for his dating methodology in the best selling book ‘The Game’ and his co-trainer Beckster, a London based pick up guru specialising in ‘night game’. In true fan girl style I got the chance to ask these pick up artists all the questions I’ve always wanted to know about how feminism can possibly find some middle ground with the progressive dating techniques taught in the pick up artist community.
In the interview I got to ask:
- Can women learn anything from pick up artists?
- Can women approach men?
- Are pick up artists really bad?
I want you to watch the interview in full. Apart from being extremely interesting, it also gives you some clear techniques and mindsets that will help you improve your dating life.
The pick up artists and I tell you how:
- Love doesn’t find you. The universe helps those who help themselves to build the relationships they want.
- Why it doesn’t matter who starts the conversation, as long as someone starts it, it’s not a big deal.
- Why if you want a man to approach you, you have to get into the ‘Goldilocks Zone’ to make it easy for him to overcome his fear of rejection and say hi to you.
- Why idealistic ‘happily ever after’s’ are a bit like winning the lottery, it does happen but it’s rare. Most people work hard for contentment and their own version of success in life.
Pick up artistry doesn’t just teach you how to ‘get’ people, it’s about ‘getting’, BUILDING the life you want and not just accepting what falls into your lap. It is about taking responsibility for your own happiness instead of relying on a fairytale.