The Elastic Band...

June 15, 2016
▪ 3 mins read

In this week's episode I talk to pro-matchmaker Siobhan (@siobhan_copland) about what happens when he pulls away.

Elastic Band Theory

In this week's episode, I talk to pro-matchmaker Siobhan about what happens when he pulls away and acts like an elastic band!

My name is Hayley Quinn- the dating expert that's here to turn your world upside down in terms of how you're approaching dating, love, sex and relationships. Honest to God. Are fed up of getting stressed out and anxious? Is your relationship about to fall to pieces? Are you of ideas where to meet someone and worried about should you message him? Does he like you? I'm here to preach the good word which is going to solve all these problems!

Joining me today is the first returning guests I've ever had because she's epic and amazing. Her name is Siobhan Copland and she's an awesome Matchmaker, extraordinaire in London. She also has tonnes of wisdom to give about love dating and relationships. Welcome to the show Siobhan!

The interview


Hey, it's a lovely introduction. I'm honoured to be back. I had so much fun the first time!


I know!

When we were brainstorming topics, there was one that really came up for me! I actually hadn't heard of this before. But it's such a good metaphor. And I love that analogy. Because I think if you get these concepts in your brain about how to deal with situations, it can be really helpful. The concept is as we call it the elastic band.


The elastic band theory! Yes. It really is more to do with, well, women can experience the elastic band theory, but it seems to be more of a male thing. This is where someone, things are going well, seemingly, and then that person pulls back. So it's that thing where you pull back in elastic bands. And they spring back again. But it's how they spring back and how they pull themselves back.


It is kind of a guy thing, isn't it? Because when you said it was the three to six months mark...


Yeah, it seems to be around the three-six month mark. I actually learned this from the very famous book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.


And it's funny because I've had this experience. [...] I remember the last time it's happened to me I have literally had the thought the day before it happened. I'm really getting used to falling asleep in this person's arm. Isn't it lovely? So that's you, that's your frame of mind. You're not gonna go anywhere. You're settling in, you're getting more comfortable, more secure, and then a disaster strikes.


And I think that's a thing. As women, it's comfortable for us to feel like we're creating this beautiful bond with someone. It's actually the point where we're starting to feel more comfortable in the relationship. Feeling so comfortable, saying to be sleeping in his arms, be holding hands. This stuff freak guys out.


What's wrong with them?


They see it as almost questioning their masculinity. Masculinity is supposed to be this strong kind of exterior and actually being all kind of soft and mushy is actually the opposite of what they're trying to be about.


Right. And it's really counterintuitive, but genuinely, people don't always find intimacy comfortable or right and especially not men. [...] For him emotions become overwhelming, he doesn't know how to deal with the emotions. He doesn't have an amazing support network like we often do to help rationalise stuff and talk it through.

Want to hear the whole Elastic Band interview?

For the full interview between Siobhan and me click play below!

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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