Are you a 'wife material'?

February 8, 2017
▪ 2 mins read

A quick Google search informs me that "wife material" is someone who: "...can cook, and cook well, like French pastry-chef-type well’ (Fox News, natch)"

And I don't mean chiffon, lace, or tulle wedding dresses

A quick google informs me that 'wife material' is someone who:  

'Can cook, and cookwell, like French pastry-chef-type well' (Fox News, natch)

'Back massage...men love a woman who can help them relax' (Matthew Hussey - Get The Guy)

'Not one of those 'fast' women, a good girl' (*Hayley Quinn looks nervously towards passport & internet history)

Now that was depressing. The good news is you don't have to listen to any of it: because guess what? You are a whole and complete and wonderful PERSON in your own right.  

You are not an annexe to someone else, you are Queen of your Castle. And quite frankly, any man who judges you as 'unchaste', a bad cook or not 'wifey' enough is too much of a basic bitch for you.

The reality

Luckily not all men think this way and if they do they are not the right 'values fit' for you (to put it mildly).  

So let's not waste your very valuable time learning the skills to be put in the 'marriage material' box. Let's just assume that any man who still believes that women come in two varieties 'wife' (to bear legitimate children) and 'dirty' (to hook up with and ditch) needs to go dwell in a cave.

Forget lying to him about your sexual history, or polishing up your Tarte Tatin. Instead, why don't you work on meeting someone who wants an intelligent, empowered, woman to be his equal? Who will appreciate your sharp mind, your life experiences and your authenticity?  

Better men exist and they want to meet you. So stop hiding you by watching what you say, how you behave and worrying if he's judging you.  

If he's judging you as 'not good enough' then he can f*ck off. You don't need to know him. He's not the supportive, emotionally mature partner you want and deserve.


Relationships are partnerships. They require trust and respect. Stop going on dates worrying about what he thinks of you. Turn up as yourself and look for someone who likes that person.  

A relationship is not one person controlling the other.  

It is accepting.  

A relationship is fair.

It is plain UNFAIR if he judges you. No one is standing there saying he's been too much of a 'playboy' to be a good husband. We fail ourselves if we buy into this world view. We also fail to find the men who are best for us. And not surprisingly, we fail to re-educate the cave dwellers out there.  

So next time you worry he might think you're not 'wife material' REMEMBER this automatically disqualifies him as 'husband material'.  

You can tell him I said that ;-)  

Love and more love  

Hayley xx

p.s. If you want to work with me in London on 18.02.17 I am running a RARE WOMEN'S ONLY WORKSHOP - I will be teaching you practical skills, and kickass mindsets, to Command Love. Non-wimpy, honest dating advice delivered through easy to learn exercises. Plus free cocktails :-)

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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