Meeting In Real Life
For Men

Do people care if you're chatting her up?

November 20, 2014
▪ 2 mins read

Dealing with your social scrunity

I am on a mission to help you to approach women

There has been SO MUCH CONTROVERSY about men meeting women recently (read more about this on my blog Dating after #metoo). I understand that right now it probably feels easier for you to never go there again then dare to think of flirting and chatting her up.

I understand that it can be hard to find the balance between being upfront with a woman. Especially when you are trying to show your attraction to her. And avoid being that creepy guy that you're just not.I know from the guys I work with that a lot of great men (& this could be you!) justdon't approach FULL STOP because they're so self-conscious of people overhearing them and JUDGING THEM.

But, do you know that women's number 1 dating complaint is that guys never approach them?

Are they judging you for chatting her up?

People, simply put- do not care.

Huh?! I know you think 'well that doesn't make sense!' However, the point is that women do want you to say hi to them in a way that is respectful!

It's not about where you say hi. It's all about how and your intentions behind it. Trust me if you're a good guy, wanting to meet a great woman, you are not going to be condemned for approaching women.

I was pretty sure that most people are pretty much in a world of their own and don't care what you're doing.

But how does she feel about being approached?

Approaching women.

Now, before I tell you exactly what to say, you need to know this:

Depending on how you approach a woman, she'll either be attentive (and even turned on)...


She'll try to escape the conversation or worse - shut you down completely.

Here's the thing that most guys don't realise though...

Women WANT to be approached. They fantasise about it every day. I haven't met a single woman who didn't want to be approached more often (even women in relationships love being flattered).

My female clients and single friends complain to me all the time: "Hayley, why don't guys approach me more?"

See, here's the thing...

It's not that women don't want to be approached. It's that women don't make the best judgementcall when men approach them... When a guy usually approaches a woman, she'snot getting the best snapshot of you as a person.

All she's getting is a snapshot of your line. ESPECIALLY if you got the pickup line or "opener" from some random pickup guide or internet forum.

If you get a response like "I'm busy", "Sorry I'm out with a friend" or even just a puzzled look on her face, it's not about you...

It's not about you being too old, too young or whether you think you're good looking enough...She hasn't even decided on those things yet because she doesn't know you...It's actually about the line you used and the way you approached her...

If you say the right things and approach her the right way, she'll listen to every word you have to say and won't be able to help to find you attractive.

Women want to be approached so go for it and let me know if you need more advice on chatting her up!!


Hayley x

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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