personal quality

Use This Conversation Hack To Connect With Her

Forget About What Topics Women Like: Use This Conversation Hack Instead!

One of my favourite phrases for conversation skills is: ‘How someone is in one thing, they are in everything’. This means if you can identify how they view themselves, or one of their personal quality, or something that characterises themselves or their identity, we can start to imagine how that person would behave in other areas of their life.

I want you to understand that the secret to great conversations with women isn’t about what topic to talk about. It’s about engaging with what qualities she demonstrates as a person: showing you deeply understand and connect with her.

Read more about hacks on limitless conversation with her here: 5 Hacks To Have Limitless Conversations With Her

So how can you use this idea of, ‘How someone is in one thing, they are in everything,’ to develop much better conversations with her? It starts with you listening out for and correctly identifying her personal qualities.

How does one personal quality reflect in other areas of their life

An example of this could be hearing that she is always very punctual. You might then wonder how will that reflect in other areas of her life? Does that also mean they she has a meticulously tidy apartment, and everything’s folded neatly?

In which case you can joke and say:

‘Are you’re going to hate me? Because I have to admit, like, I just leave clothes lying around everywhere.’

Or you can use this behaviour in the context of their work: ‘I guess that you also have to be really methodical with the work you do. You must be very detail orientated.’

Perhaps instead you discover she’s very spontaneous. And then you could say: ‘Oh, that makes sense. I can just imagine you heading off to Glastonbury last minute with flowers in your hair.’

personal quality

Do not get stuck focusing on the topic

When we start to identify who a person is, it gives us a lot of flexibility in the conversation. A lot of people make the mistake of being overly focused on the topic. If I had a pound for every time someone had asked me what’s the best topics of conversation to use, I’d be a rich woman.

The reason is, people often think that there are some topics that are superior and inferior to one another. And to an extent that’s true, of course. Talking about our hopes, or dreams or ambitions or desires are generally better topics of conversation than dry, factual topics like work.

Changing the topic

However, the topic actually isn’t as important as how you choose to talk about it. So for instance, if you’re talking about where she works, instead of focusing in on how long she’s worked there, you can ask  her what moment she decided that that’s what she wanted to do. Or you can learn something about her work ethic. Is she a big procrastinator? Is she very methodical? We can then take that information, and then switch topics to one you’re really excited about.

For instance, if she’s very methodical at work, what is she going to be like when she travels? From here you can say:

‘You must be a real planner of your holidays. And I bet they all have itineraries. I’m quite opposite, in that I have been known to turn up at the airport with just a rucksack and my passport in the past.’

personal quality

Personal quality = endless conversation

So remember, once you identify one of her personal qualities, you have the flexibility to change the topic of conversation. You identify the personal quality and then change the topic. Use phrases such as: you seem, I bet, I can just imagine. This shows her that you’re not trying to tell her who she is, you’re just making a playful guess about her personal qualities. When you make an assumption about her personal qualities in a playful way this will draw her into the conversation: she’ll want to confirm or deny what you’ve said.

This is also about you learning to adopt a more playful and creative form of the conversation. Your guesses doesn’t have to be 100% correct: it’s more about the conversation feeling exciting and dynamic.

She will love it if you can talk to her in a way that shows you’ve really noticed who she is; and if you can keep the conversation closely focused on who she is as a person.

If you want to know what her favourite topic of conversation is: at the beginning it will always be herself.

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and contributor to yahoo!style.

Phone: +447517915854
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