For Men

THIS is how to DM her on Instagram!

November 25, 2021
▪ 3 mins read

Three principles to message her on instagram

Instagram and social media are fantastic tools that you can use for your dating life: and let’s face it you’ve probably seen a LOT of women you’re attracted to online. That’s why it's important that you know how to DM her on Instagram. There are three principles around how you can use Instagram messaging to effectively meet women. So let’s dive into them right away.

Let's be honest here, Instagram is actually a really good tool at maintaining a network of warm leads with women that you've had some interaction with. For instance, a lot of the time a woman may feel more comfortable swapping Instagram names with you than swapping phone numbers. If she's actively messaging you on Instagram, you're following each other back, then this is just as good as a conventional message or WhatsApp exchange.

DM principle one

If she follows you online it gives you the opportunity to utilise things like your Instagram stories, to see how engaged and interested she is in areas of your life. Instagram really adds an extra layer of verification for what a cool guy you are.

Instagram is good at maintaining warm leads, or a network of women in your life. But, it can not be so great when it comes to messaging women out of the blue. So if you do want to message women out of the blue, the first thing you want to look at is your own profile.

If your profile is private, incomplete, doesn't have very good photos, and only has a handful of followers- you might want to give it a makeover. Communicate to her that you're a man of value and that she should be interested in engaging in a conversation with you. Put bluntly, she's not going to want to chat to a random guy who's using Instagram as a tool to chat to women. But, she might want to chat to a guy who seems to have an awesome and interesting life of his own, which he's showing on social media.

So be conscious that before you embark on messaging, you sort your profile out first, and make sure that you're operating from a strong base.

DM principle two

If you haven't had any communication with her so far, be cautious that if you're going to send her a DM, it's likely going to go into her junk mail folder. And she may not even be checking those messages, particularly if she has quite a few followers on Instagram already.

Be conscious that when you're sending a DM that she already knows a little bit about who you are. To begin with, you may choose to comment on one of her pictures. Don't comment on all her pictures, or everything she posts.

One well thought out comment is always better than being the guy who posts the love eye emoji and is always reacting to what she looks like. Instead, think about something that she's doing or an interest that she's showing. Even better, an opinion that she's expressing, and then write a two line comment that's relevant and pertinent to her post.

If she then engages with the comment by responding with a proper comment, not just emojis, this will provide a springboard for you to slide into her DMs.

DM principle three

If you're looking to message women who are following you, and in your network, think about how you can utilise stories to build interest in your life. This principle is about creating and warming up interest levels. So again, you're not just sliding into her DMs and going in cold.

To do this, you want to have stories which show interesting and exciting elements of your life. This could be of course when you've gone on holiday somewhere, or it could be you going about your life. Stuff like going out grabbing a coffee and going for a bike ride is a great way to go. Be conscious to use a selection of four or more pictures in a row, which prove your lifestyle and how cool it would be to hang out with you.

When it comes to her Instagram stories, be conscious not to watch every single story that she posts. If you do, you're going to go right up to the top of her followers list. I don't know if you know this, but you can actually slide up an Instagram story and see who your most engaged `fans’ are. And you don't want to be her most engaged fan but rather someone who is an equal to her.


When it comes to messaging women on Instagram, remember, it's not necessarily an amazing tool for messaging women who you don't know or who you don't have any interaction with. But, if you can build a strong profile, have good stories, if you can draw her into conversation, and get her to follow you back then your chances of having a successful messaging interaction are going to improve.

If you want more advice on messaging her join my Hayley Quinn Club and get access to my brand new messaging ebook. You should also follow me on Instagram at @hayleyquinnx for daily advice.

Newsletter icon
By clicking “Accept”, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyse site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Privacy Policy.