I'm going to be giving you my top nine relationship qualities that you need in a guy to build a great relationship.
I know how it goes. You've had a bit of a vacuum of not meeting men that you're actually attracted to. Then along comes someone who you feel that elusive spark with. It can be all too easy to start thinking that this is the guy who you want to be with.
I want to keep your feet on the ground a little bit and help you focus on what qualities are important to building a relationship. Before you even get to the commitment question, you should know whether he's ticking the boxes on the important relationship-building qualities.
So coming in at number one for my top relationship-building quality is willingness. Often, some guy might be ticking all the boxes on paper: he's six foot tall, has a snazzy job, and you had a great first date. But is he willing to build a relationship with you? Is he actively creating time to spend with you? And is he being clear about what he wants?
Without this ingredient, we can't get far. Even if he looks great on paper, don't overlook this important quality that you need to get the whole thing started.
My second top quality is friendship. It's not a sexy and exciting one but it is important for a long-term healthy relationship. It may not be what first strikes you about a person but if someone is helpful, supportive, and looking for the best friend to share their life, I would take this as a good sign.
Later down the line when your car broke down on the road, your baby woke you up in the middle of the night it's actually the friendship between you that might give you the stoicism to keep meeting life's challenges.
Number three is openness. Without being authentic and candid about our lives and intentions, it's going to be hard to build a genuine connection.
So yes, flirtation and excitement is great at the start. But you also need to be getting something genuine from the person you're dating. Look out for people who are open and candid about their lives, and who invite you into their lives.
If you've been dating for months and you're not spending time with your friends and family, this could be a real red flag.
A similar level of closeness
Fourth amongst qualities you should be looking for is that they like a similar level of closeness to you.
So this is an interesting one. We all have a level of intimacy or closeness that we are most comfortable with. For some people that means communicating about what's happening all day long, or hanging out every night. For others, it means actually having more independent lives and more time spent apart.
Neither of these approaches to relationships is superior to the other. But it is important for you that you find a partner who's least relatively on the same page in terms of how much time they want to spend together. Especially when it comes to how much physical closeness they like.
Ease of communication
Quality five is the ease of communication. Now you might be spending a lot of time on dating apps, looking up what job someone has, and if they happen to like the same sport as you. That may be helpful, but what's much better for you to look out for how easy does it feel to communicate with this person.
If you find your messages and conversation seem to flow and you're understood by the other person, this is an important cornerstone for building a relationship.
Feeling calm and at ease in their presence
You will recognise quality six if you feel calm and at ease in their presence. There's a sense of romantic excitement which comes with a spark that makes you feel pleasantly on edge. But you should be able to feel relaxed enough in someone's company.
If you constantly feel like you're being judged and you are walking on eggshells or having to choose your words carefully, this isn't a great sign for the rest of the relationship. You should feel at ease with someone that you're dating.
Quality seven is that they give you trust and you find it easy to give them yours. The trust needs time to be built. In order for that to happen, we need to practice honesty and they have to be transparent enough about what they want. If their actions leave you feeling confused, watch out.
Quality eight is that they respect your boundaries. No means 'no' whether you need to go to bed early that night because you've got an important work deadline, or you prefer to wait longer before you are physically intimate.
The bare minimum you need from someone is for them to listen to the words that you're saying. They need to take that on board and respect your boundaries.
Quality nine which is also really important and possibly one of my favourites is acceptance. You shouldn't feel like you're having to hide all the skeletons in your closet from your partner.
There should be a space where you feel comfortable communicating with them about who you are and about your past. You need to know that your partner is going to accept you for who you are.
I know when you first meet someone and it's really exciting it can be easy to get swept away. Please bear in mind these nine really important relationship-building qualities and remember before you decide to commit to someone to take some time to do your due diligence and check out how these important relationship-building qualities are showing up.