You keep scrolling on dating apps, you keep swiping, but you never see anyone you actually like? I'm here to explain why you're having dry spell in your dating life and how you can go about fixing it.
Now, we should know by now that part of successful dating is being comfortable by yourself. It's about not having a need for something to go on in your dating life. It's about not feeling like there's anything wrong with you because you're not constantly messaging someone. But, it can feel frustrating when you have a strong intention to meet someone but not seeing anybody you like.
Why do you never see anyone you actually like and and how can you go about fixing it?
Are you not seeing anyone you like because you have a limiting belief about dating? The most popular one is that there's no good men left, or that all the good guys are taken, they've run out. It's like almost like you're trying to date and it's 11pm in Tescos, on Christmas Eve and the shelves are empty.
But the reality isn't like that. We can actually say confidently, there's more single people now than there has been ever before. The dating pool is really big. So if you're not meeting anyone you like, it's not that decent guys don't exist it's that something is stopping you from seeing them. We can trace that back to something going on with how you're selecting people. I call this 'no, no, definitely NOT' approach to dating the discard phase.
The discard phase
The discard phase happens when we are in "no" mindset. This is where everyone seems to be getting a no, no, no, no. The more we repeat that, no, the more it can actually compound.
To find chemistry or to feel excited about meeting new people, you need to feel confident, flirty, fun and open minded. That will often trickle down into how you appraise potential matches coming your way.
Now this is easier said than done as well. Of course, if you have had lots of dating experiences that haven't worked out by now, you might be starting to feel pretty demotivated by the whole thing. So how do we turn this around?
Changing your mindset
First of all, it's important to ask yourself:
How do I go back to accessing these positive emotions? How do I start to feel more flirty gain? More open minded? How can I make dating fun?
With flirtation, it might mean that you do something related to self care. You may take up Latin dance, massage or something which is some sort of self worship ritual. Anything that will help you to tap back into that feeling of sensuality, even if you don't have a guy that you're actively dating at the moment will help.
If it comes down to wanting to have more fun on your dates, is there a way that you could date that would be more enjoyable? Could you drag some people to yoga classes instead of going out for a few drinks? Is there a way that you can walk away from a date and even if there's no connection feel it was a rewarding experience?
Can you look at your attitude towards your dating life and catch yourself every time you walk into the the discard phase?Is it possible to replace the phrase "there's nobody left" and actually change your story to being a positive one.
There's loads of people out there. In fact, it's my job now to go out and create the best process that I can to find them.
If you're in discard mode at the moment, and you're stuck on some hard no's, don't worry. There are things that you can do to get out of that space and to become more open minded.
Take a break from dating apps
The second thing that you could do is to take a break from dating.
Now, I used to hate when people said that to me. It would be almost as they were trying to bench me for doing something wrong. But sometimes if you are feeling like your emotional batteries have been drained out by dating so, a break can be a smart thing to do. Give yourself a break! Do something for yourself that you could not do while trying to use every dating app there is.
You could use this time to take up a new hobby, join an activity, start volunteering or just reconnect with your friends. Going offline might might even help you meet men you would otherwise missed.
The third thing to realise is there is no reason to panic or to be negative if our dating lives have left us motionless. It's normal in all areas of our lives to experience peaks and lows of motivation. If you're not meeting anyone, you have to understand this phase is not going to last forever.
Don't dwell on it and understand if you have that space, there's room there for you to meet new people. You just might need to reset some of your emotional batteries. Have a look at the your attitude and how you're appraising people on dating apps. Notice if you are going into discard mode. If suddenly everyone is no, it's time to back away from the dating apps. Just put it down. Have a good night's sleep, do something nice for yourself, and pick it back up again when you are ready. You may find actually there's loads more matches out there for you.