Body Language

Attraction HQ: Attracting women as a shorter guy

March 4, 2016
▪ 4 mins read

Challenges with attracting women

Today I'm very excited because I've got a guest on here that I very much respect. He is going to give you really specific, detailed practical advice. So you want to have your notepads ready or listen to this one again, he is the number one Asian dating coach. His name is JT Tran and he is the founder of ABCs of Attraction. This guy even lectures at Harvard. That's how hot his knowledge is. And very recently, we did a YouTube collaboration together on how you can date women as a shorter guy. So we're gonna get really into it today.

We're not going to hold back and we're going to talk about the reality of dating if you are a shorter guy. Or if you are an Asian man, you may be looking to date outside of your race, how you can do that. Because I have to say, this is just one of these like truths about people, there's no point pretending that people don't have certain prejudices or biases or preferences when they meet other people.

But I'm a huge believer in two things. And those two things would be one, you don't have to be a cookie-cutter Ken doll of perfection to meet amazing women. Secondly, how you behave and communicate with her is everything.

The Interview

So what I was thinking about is, first of all, thank you so much for coming on my show. I really appreciate it. We were talking about the short guy. If you're listening, you might be listening, and you might be conscious of your height. And you might think that in online dating or when women meet you, you're just not the right physical preference that they're looking for. Do you think that shorter guys have it harder when it comes to picking up women?


Absolutely. Multiple studies have shown that taller people are just generally more well regarded, make more money and date more. And for those of you guys who aren't familiar who I am, or seen pictures of me, I'm only five foot five. And that's on a good day. I know, a tall guy. I wish I was born tall, dark and handsome. But I can set up for being short, stunning and smooth. That's what you have to do when you're as short as I am. And just as average looking as I am, I can't settle on being a good looking guy, because it just doesn't work for me. So I have to play up every single strength that I have, whether it's dressing sharp, or coming in strong on my approach when I talk to a girl. Or just being very dominant.

You have to be more than just a stereotype. You have to be larger than life. Exude that command presence, because you are going to be dismissed. And it is partly because I am a short guy. If I'm generic, if I have a weak personality, people are more likely to dismiss me than if I was say taller and good looking. And that's just reality. I mean, it is what it is. And there's no use trying to tell polite lies about how we're all human. The reality is, we all get judged.


We, women, judgeon online dating site particularly and this is, to me, the worst of humanity. They will judge men on height and wealth and women on age and waist. For the guys listening, I'm just gonna put in a small female voice here. It's not that just you have it bad. Men judge women as well.

The main point is, as JT said if you act in a way that is generic, or you play it too safe, or you just come across as bland, if you have something that maybe you're not like somebody is the automatic physical type, that means that they've got no, they're not incentivized to keep speaking to you and you'll be quickly dismissed. Instead, what you need to do is work with all of those things that JT was mentioning. Whether it's your personality, your presence, you're dominant. People will have to reevaluate you.

If you break people's patterns, or you give them something, and it's an unexpected response, they have to think on their feet a bit more, they can't just go into autopilot mode. And the problem is so many guys go into the people-pleasing mode. You don't want to say anything that's disruptive or that unsettles people. If you give her exactly the same approach, same initial pieces of conversation, exactly what she's used to getting from guys, she will go into snooze mode. She doesn't have to think on her feet about how to respond. Instead, she just goes, Oh, it's just another one of these guys. And you have to not be just another one of those guys, you have to do things to make yourself an individual so much that your individuality in a non-physical way of saying: This is who I am.


We make these mental shortcuts based off of incomplete information. If you're like very shy and dimmer, she's gonna pull that cloud knowledge base off of other guys. I always tell my students, be animated, be expressive, and be real. But also equally as important is to be physical. As a shorter guy, I can get away with being more physical than a taller guy.

Imagine touching on the shoulder, turning her, but all you're doing is getting her attention. You're not trying to cop a feel. You're not being aggressive, you're not applying more force than you would if you took your pinkie and put on the palm of your hand. It's not a lot of force, you're just guiding her to look at you. You're saying hello. But you're introducing that physicality and that physical action gets her attention. And then be animated, be expressive, be real.

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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