Early warning signs he's not for you

March 18, 2016
▪ 4 mins read

This week I'm joined by pro matchmaker Siobhan from Catch Me Cupid

Red flags

I have this belief men and dating, the whole thing really, isn't set up in our interests a lot of the time. Most of the advice you hear is from the man's perspective. And it's all about catching a guy, keeping a guy and getting a guy. Really this means right from the get-go you're on the backfoot. What I want to do is move you to a position of power. I want you to feel empowered, strong, awesome and amazing in your romantic relationships. So if everything has failed so far, welcome, you're coming home, you are in the right place. And I've got a great topic for you guys today- early warning signs.

The early warning signs are the red flags you get in the early days of a relationship. You then reflect on a year or two later, when it's all gone to pieces. And you realise what horrible person you were with all along. Realisations such as I should have known because that time when he wouldn't split the bill for me.Or, he cancelled on that day, he was showing me his true colours then.

What I want to do is empower you to make great choices with the guys you're meeting. To have a zero-tolerance policy if someone shows you their true colours and isn't very nice. Let go of them quickly before you get too wrapped up in things. I say this from lots and lots of personal experience.

The interview- Early warning signs

Joining me today to talk about the early warning signs, how you can spot them and how you can know when to let go of a guy the lovely Siobhan. She's awesome. She's a kick-ass empowered, beautiful kind of women. She is also a matchmaker at Cupid in the City. Her whole job is based around having to look out for what people are compatible with. And giving her clients advice and support. So they understand early on in the dating process, how to make key decisions about carrying on dating someone or saying no. Thank you for coming on Siobhan!


Thank you,Hayley. And what a lovely intro. I'm blushing now.


I'm on the coaching aspect of the business. I teach skills to help people to get better at this stuff. What is that you do?


I get asked this all the time, and I'm still figuring out myself, to be fair. But day to day, it involves meeting people and a lot of listening. The advice is part of it, but a small one. A lot of it is listening to people. Particularly for men- they're not used to talking about themselves in the context of relationships. So it's really nice for them to feel that they've got someone they come and just spill out too. You can learn a lot about talking.

You get to meet your clients. They come to you, you listened to them. And then you go out into the world to try and find their perfect match. Although, I don't think there's such thing as a perfect match. It's about finding someone who you can make it work with, and you're committed to making it work with.


And honestly, when you go out looking for that, your expectations are misaligned. You need someone who you can communicate with, you have a shared vision with.


Exactly. The big part of it is introducing relationship-minded people. Who are commitment-minded and relationship-minded. There are a lot of single people out there, but not a lot of relationship-minded. So it's about picking out those people who are willing to, let's face it, put the work in.


What happens a lot of the time is the man is not up for the commitment. People will get into relationships but will demonstrate the fact they're not in the right headspace for commitment.

Have you got any indicators, any early warning signs that you'd look out for shows of character? Because quite early people demonstrate their character in subtle ways to you. As my grandmother always says, they never show it in a big obvious way. Sometimes it'll be a small way that they treat somebody else, or they didn't think it was a big deal to cancel on you. Or they were that bit selfish. There'll be signs saying: Hang on a second! This guy- he might be really seductive, he might be really good at doing the wooing bit. But is he gonna come through for me as a long term partner?

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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