He hasn't text you back

April 13, 2015
▪ 2 mins read

Left on read- no text back

It is written somewhere in the stars that it is the guy you like who won't text you back.

 How annoying. A few great dates down and he goes MIA. You assume you've made some horrible dating faux pas and critique all of your behaviour towards him. What did you do wrong?

 As human beings, we're wired to accept more blame and view anything as related to us. However, I can tell you now there are 3 other reasons why he could have just gone AWOL which are very little to do with you.

1. An external life event has happened which means his focus is totally off dating.

A big bump of stress, or just general busyness, at work/ home/ socially, will distract him. People are all on their own story arcs and cycles, this time his journey may have taken him off in a completely different tangent- which is much less about you than you think.

2. There's another woman.

Drum roll. Or not. Relationships are often complicated messy beasts. Before he met you it is highly possible that another woman could have been in the picture - a recent ex-girlfriend, a girl from his past, someone he went on a date with the day before you. Before you want to KILL HIM for this behaviour remember in all likelihood this other pre-existed you and it's hard to 'beat' a woman who is either a major figure from his past or someone who has a strong psychological hold over him. Best bet is to understand that these attachments have very little to do with you and if he's in a state of conflict it would be one of my RED FLAGS to move on. He'll never be a great partner in that headspace.

3. He wasn't 'feeling it' as much as you.

I wouldn't even see this as THAT BAD. Anyone who's hung around with you for a few hours, or a few dates, DOES NOT know the depth of who you are. If he made the wrong judgement call it's not your job to set him right.

 What you can focus on is making sure you communicate everything about who you are clearly to give him something to gravitate towards.

 Learning to be more vulnerable, more open and more opinionated takes time. But it will provide you with a magnetism that the right guy will find irresistible. If you don't want to be in a position where he does not text you back, I would love to help you with this in my member's club- join now!


 Hayley x

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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