Meeting In Real Life

How to meet more men in real life?

June 15, 2017
▪ 6 mins read

Learn the skills to get more dates and become more attractive when you meet guys in person, not online.

No need to swipe right!

How to meet more men in real life is something that you may often be thinking as you’re sitting through a lacklustre Tinder date.Especially with a man who is slurring his way through a humble brag about knowing the manager of the establishment.  

Sometimes when you do arrange to meet up with the guy he texts you, "hey, I won’t be able to meet tonight. Something has come up with my friends. Sorry." Or you meet and think "hmmm, did he think I wouldn’t notice that he is was 20Ibs heavier and 5 years older than his picture?". This results in you thinkinghe’s lied and disappointed you already and you haven’t even got through the starter!  

In other words, you are left sitting in Nando’s pondering, `How did it get to this? A year ago I was happy. I was living with my dream guy. And it's all gone. My joy has been repossessed. Now my options are suit banker and wears-too-much-Joop wanker.Or arty geezer who says he’s a writer but actually a farty Barista."  

This can often induce a feeling of, "how do I meet more men in real life?"

How, indeed will you meet more men in real life?

There is a vast choice of places where you can learn how to meet more men in real life. Yet, the tools and skills to meet them are often overlooked and under-utilised.

There are likely to be very datable men open to conversation (and even a date!) in places you are frequenting every day.

A huge advantage of learning how to meet more men in real life as opposed to online is building a deep connection. Imagine if you meet a guy in a book store. Let's say you built up a rapport and get to know each other over 10 mins. You then give him your phone number. Without a doubt, you will stand out compared to someone he’s swiped on a dating app.

The first scenario is laced with serendipity and the first-hand connection without competitors. The second is not.

As a coach, my personal favourite scenarios in which to meet people are social circles that you have grown organically. The second is the daytime in shops, bookstores etc...

This is because there is no option to swipe right in a book store. If you make an approach in this type of scenario, you are likely to have that person’s attention and most likely have a pleasant interaction.

Men don’t get the chance to swipe right whilst you’re talking and say: "Yeah that’s great. But I haven’t seen any pictures of you building mud huts in Malaysia so I’m not going to bother".

In reality, he’ll most likely admire the set of balls on you (figurative) and want to continue talking to you. You have done what 99% of people won’t do.

That’s at least one example of how to meet a guy in real life.

Coaching points

From a coach’s perspective, our clients that work with Team HQ (who want to learn how to meet more men in real life ) do not have any issues with being creative when finding men. The hurdle that you need to jump over is one of the social stigmas that come with approaching men.

An issue with both men and women dating and relationships is that they do not realise that the ability to talk to strangers is a learnable skill.

In the case of the women, they often think, he hasn’t come and said hello, so he doesn’t find me attractive. This thought process is inaccurate. The biggest reason why men won’t approach women even if they think they are attractive is that they fear rejection.

Rather than focusing on what the other party is not doing, this becomes irrelevant when you take a hundred per cent responsibility. At we like personal responsibility which is why we teach you how to meet more men in real life.

This rule goes for our male and female clients. The social stigma can be lessened with these perceptions with what is actually going on.

You can approach him and pass him the conversational baton in which he feels like he is doing the flirting. (No fear of rejection necessary!)

Besides the feeling of `what if’ is worse than the feeling of rejection.

By doing the approach you are doing everything in your power to improve your dating life. No regrets!

Three important factors to align for you to improve the quantity and quality of men you are meeting and how to meet more men in real life:

Decide what qualities and values are important to you.

Quality vs quantity

One of the most exciting and fascinating elements of dedicating time to your romantic life is the variety of qualities in people you can explore.  

Whatever facet, type, or style, there is a man who encompasses those attributes.  

This is something at the Hayley Quinn Club we are really big on. Outlining what it is you like about people and then the journey- not the other way round.

A few examples here

Who are the most attractive people I’ve interacted with and what qualities did they have in common?  

Where did I meet these people?  

Was there something happening in my life making this more likely to happen?  

Dedicating time to improving attraction skills.

A huge myth around dating is that your ability to be attractive is static. That you cannot improve and what you get given is final. This could not be further from the truth.

Many of our clients start at point X. Then with the combination of effort and a good strategy improve their results to achieve point Y (happiness and fulfilment).

Really harmful dating propaganda for women (which we don’t believe in!) is always promoting the idea that looks are paramount to attracting men.

Whilst looking healthy and hygienic is essential, aesthetics are just a fraction of what brings people together.

Unfortunately, this is often used as an excuse for why people can’t date. They adopt the attitude of capitulation. Stick their flag in the ground and think, "well I can be good at other stuff like Facebook posts and bunting".  

I want you to change and analyse your own negative thoughts and any unhelpful ideas around dating. They are keeping you stuck and stopping you from learning how to meet more men in real life:

"I can’t talk to him, he’s too good looking for me"

"Men only like dumb, blonde women, I’m not prepared to be like that"

"If a man is confident he’ll approach me."

"All the guys that approach me are players."

These last two statements may be related...

Luckily attraction can be learned. These are five qualities that will make any women more attractive (with practice).

  • Charisma
  • Connection
  • Self-aware
  • Self-motivated
  • Humility

You can now move towards a new equation for how to meet more men in real life.  

Personal charisma + willingness to begin a conversation + great venue selection= more dates.  

To be strategic with your venues and limited time build up a picture of what kind of guy you want to meet and where he may be.

Some simple questions

you can ask yourself to begin to identify venues so you learn how to meet more men in real life.

Roughly how old is my ideal partner? What job does my ideal guy do? What does he do for fun?

You now can make good and informed choices about the places you are going to meet these love prospects.

Let's say you are a bookworm and reading 19th-centuryRussian literature. The thought of a man doing the same steams up your tortoiseshell specs. So, you should orientate in circles where these men will be.

If you look burly rugby types who will carry you home when those stilettos are too painful, you have an idea of where to look.

Being within these social circles will also give you a big advantage over the women that he is meeting online. As good and as efficient online apps are, their biggest weakness is they con people into an illusion of choice. They don’t allow you to show all the qualities that make you great.

Now that we’re done with the fundamentals of how to meet more men in real life, you can now start to plan where!

Excited to hear more about your journey, JackHQ!

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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