I know it doesn’t sound sexy but if you can improve your conversations with women you will get more dates. Good conversation skills suggest social confidence, that you’re used to talking to women and that you’re into her, not impressing every other woman you meet. My job as an international dating coach is to help you communicate with modern, smart women more successfully.
Most women living in big cities do not have the greatest amount of time to spend on dates – in fact squeezing in time to meet men around work deadlines, friends going through crisis’s, and hobbies can be challenging. If all you have to offer to her is the fact that you are attracted to her: it just won’t fly. She wants to commit to spending time with men who she feels attraction to – yes of course, but also a guy she feels a personal connection. Like if you’re sat opposite each other for an hour that the conversation is going to be fun or at least NOT AWKWARD.
This is why I’m giving you 5 clear ways to improve your conversations with women. There are many things I suck at, but after years of coaching thousands of men to get the great girlfriends they deserve, I would like to think I’m a bit of a conversation skills Jedi. So if you’re frequently running out of things to say, or becoming self conscious that what you are saying is boring her, I want to help you out.
Improve your conversations with women – Tip 1! Don’t perform. By performing I mean you start trying to ‘show off’ what you think she maybe into, and in the process being inauthentic. I’ve had guys show me tricks with lighters, foot shuffles, and crack well rehearsed one-liners. All this really tells her is ‘I am relying on this to impress you’ – it’s actually a thumbs down to your character. Funnily enough most women don’t want a guy who can do a backflip, they want a man who is normal and connects with them. So scrap the chat up lines and instead focus on offering information about yourself that builds familiarity, ‘I wasn’t actually expecting to come to this event tonight, as I’ve got a huge work project on right now…”
Improve your conversations with women – Tip 2! Don’t make it all about her. Most misunderstood piece of dating advice, ‘the woman should be talking 70% of the time.’ Whether it’s 50%, 90% or 100% it doesn’t really matter, the facts are, she won’t want to talk to you until she trusts you. So if you approach a woman and expect her to be talking loads it just won’t happen. Very few people feel comfortable chatting to strangers, before she opens up she needs to know some key details from you. This means when you start a conversation expect to carry the conversation for a few minutes until she feels more at ease. A great way to encourage her to open up is to invite her to join in the conversation, ‘I don’t know if you had this experience but I wanted to try out salsa because….’
Improve your conversations with women – Tip 3! Less questions, a few more statements please. How you make a person feel at ease isn’t by creating a scenario known as ‘conversational death’ which goes a little like this:
You: “What do you do?”
Her: “I’m a teacher.”
You: “What do you teach?”
Her: “I teach English.”
You: “Where did you study that?”
Her: feeling creeped out tries to think of answer that reveals none of her whereabouts
Statements i.e. talking about yourself make her feel like she can trust you more, and also create many new routes for the conversation to flow down.
You: “You look like you must do something quite creative, I say that as someone who works in software…”
Her: “I’m actually an English teacher…”
You: “An English Teacher? That’s interesting… I have to confess the only part of English I liked at school was the grammar!”
Her: “No! That’s the most boring bit…”
By listening to her conversational cues and adding in relevant knowledge you have it helps you to connect with her in a non-sleazy way.
Improve your conversations with women – Tip 4 – Listen to her. As demonstrated above by actually engaging with her and listening properly you will get so much more out of an interaction. Do you notice the start of the interaction above begins with the simple act of listening, “An English Teacher? That’s interesting…” In a time where people feel lonely and struggle to be heard, listening to someone properly is WOW.
So don’t get lost in your head because she has a pretty face, she will love you for taking the time to really engage. Don’t try to pre-plan the conversation listen and REACT.
Improve your conversations with women – Tip 5. Don’t just agree. First of all it’s impossible for two people to agree on everything, and even if they did, wouldn’t that be boring? By entering into agreement you’re people pleasing in the worst way, in the hope that she won’t ‘reject’ you or by trying to people please her into bed. Women (like everyone) value people with their own sense of self. I want her to be attracted to you for how passionate you are about your own views and life. Even if you’re really into some niche coding language, or you have an allotment, advocating for that is a lot cooler than agreeing with her.
“You’re smart so if you got into it I bet you’d like programming. It made me realise computers are really cool for other things than YouTube; I’ll show you sometime…”
I could talk to you for a long time about how to improve your conversations with women; as I know by trying to impress her in the wrong ways you may not be showing all your good qualities.
My big goal here is to get the good guys to represent themselves better – so that the women of the world know they exist.
Very happy to announce that if this is you… my 12 week dating training course to make your fully competent at approaching, dating and finding a girlfriend who likes your personality is back. It’s called Academy and runs 3 times a year. It is a long term dating coaching course designed to get results.
Also feel free to email me and the HQ Team anytime on [email protected] to see how we can help you.