For Men

10 Texting Rules On How To Message A Woman

January 21, 2019
▪ 3 mins read

Make your intentions clear, and get the most of the situation

Here are some quick-fire tips on how to message a woman, to save you making any rookie errors (or alternately, just wasting your valuable time)

If you're struggling to hold her interest chances are this has something to do with your ability to communicate and know how to message a woman. With more communication conducted online, before she commits her valuable time to see you, she will form some of her judgements about you via how you message her. To state the obvious - messaging someone who you don't know very well (or not at all!) is really tricky. So follow these rules of thumb to avoid any obvious pitfalls with how to message a woman.

The rules of thumb on how to message a woman:

1. If it doesn't need a response - don't respond. If her last message was along the lines of 'LOL' or an emoji you don't need to respond to this. In other words, leave the conversation on a high.

2. You don't need to keep the conversation going - it is not all your job in the face of her not co-contributing to your meet. The more you message often the harder it becomes to sustain an interesting conversation. Don't cling onto your interactions with her.

3. Don't text to prove yourself to her - if a woman goes cold it can be easy to take all the blame on yourself and feel like if she had just seen a different side to you, that things would have been different. This often prompts you to message in a way that shows you can be flirty/assertive/masculine etc. Don't bother. It's often the most powerful move just to leave it.

4. If she doesn't want to go on a date with you, or the interaction goes cold, just leave it. Women aren't a cypher to crack. Look to invest in women who also invest in you.

5. Cut down on emojis - too many can come across as a bit people-pleasing, and more like her best friend than a potential boyfriend. I want you to appear CONFIDENT.

How To Message A Woman

6. Don't answer her bread crumb with a whole cake - if she gives you a little bit of attention when she messages you (maybe out of the blue) don't respond by writing a thesis to her and asking her out straight away. This is like giving someone first place, for C- effort levels. If you're curious read my other blog on how to get her to invest in you...

7. Don't keep chasing women who don't want to meet you in real life. If you have asked for her number or to meet up more than once and she's ignored it, take the hint and let it go you are not there to be anyone's pen friend.

8. Don't message on multiple platforms - I know it's tempting if she hasn't responded to your WhatsApp but you see her active on Instagram to message - but avoid sending that follow request. Keep it chilled and give her time to respond, and if she doesn't it's not a loss to you.

9. Make the early messages about setting the date - don't try too hard to build a connection over the message, make your messages about meeting to build that connection in real life.

10. If she annoys you, or ghosts you, resist the temptation to call her out on it with a nasty message. This just makes you look bad, and is a waste of your time/ energy. If she isn't open to meeting you, fine, move on to the many other women who are.

Remember respecting yourself, your time and your standards are most important. How to message a woman isn't rocket science, but it does involve you having a healthy level of self-worth. Focus on women who are open to meeting you IRL, communicative and respectful.

If you know you need to have higher standards and stop putting her on a pedestal make sure this comes through first by learning how to message a woman: and if you need some guidance hit the link below to schedule a call with me or one of my dating coach team.

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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