Hayley Quinn standing next to a tree at the park

Should women approach men?

Women approaching men

Hey, guys, welcome back to my Attraction HQ podcast. Yeah, it’s that time of the week again. Are you looking forward to this by now? I’ve been going for a while. What we will speak to you about today is a bit of a controversial thinking point, which is should women approach men?

As you can see, I’ve got another woman in the room here. She’s a very pretty woman, her name is Nerea and she’s the founder of The Happy World Company. Now I met Nerea at a party a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month ago now. She’s a really cool girl. I like her vibe.

The interview

The first thing that she talks about when she walks through the door today in my home is is she’s done a video on YouTube. If you follow me on YouTube, you know I do something similar, which is experimenting with what happens when a woman approaches a man. I’ve had a lot of guys say to me: Why is it my job? I always have to make the effort.

Some guys, honestly, I’m not even criticising if this is you, think that dating and love are so easy for women, that we just chill out. And then you have to go through that fear of rejection. And thinking about what will happen, what would really happen if the tables turned. Does it work the other way around? Would you even like it if it happens? And so to discuss this with me is Nerea. So question about your YouTube video. How did the guys react to you chatting them up?


Most of them, asked me twice, when I said, Do you want to date me? The first time they didn’t understand me. It was so nice for some of them. I would have to say only the ones that had girlfriend, they didn’t feel comfortable. But everyone else had such a big smile. I mean, you’re going to watch the video. Everyone was happy about it. They were surprised but thought it was a gift.

And in the past, I have very good experiences with guys that I approached myself. These guys that look interesting, but they look shy as well. This is my type, right? I like guys that are all over the place. Sometimes I like they have their own space, let’s say. And sometimes they don’t approach you.


So what would you say to approach a guy?


Well, I remember when I did the video, I was just going directly saying, Oh, you look really good. Or you look interesting, you look cool. Can I talk to you for a moment? And then they will be like yeah, sure. Okay, great. So what are you doing here? I will just have a normal conversation, nothing extreme. Just to be yourself, you know, speak about whatever comes up. Maybe what are you doing here today? Are you having fun?


I found whenever I’ve done this to guys, which I have done if you look at my YouTube. It’s only me handing out some flowers. Generally, they’ve received it well, and they’ve been happy. But have they then taken any initiative in the conversation to chat up with me? No.


I tried being quiet a little bit. Instead of doing the whole work myself, I would say can I talk to you for a moment? Yes, sure. And then I will stay, I will stay quiet. So they were the ones at the end asking me for the phone number. It wasn’t me doing it. I tried in several ways. And another way was more chilling. It was letting them lead the conversation and do the work. So they took responsibility. They were so easy for me to get them taking responsibility and doing the work that they would normally do if they approach you. So they felt like they achieved something in a way.

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
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