Confidence Building
For Men

Tips For Building Your Self-Esteem

May 30, 2012
▪ 3 mins read

The importance of self-esteem

I know what it is like to be unhappy with your lot in life.I was pretty much the least popular girl at school and possessed zero confidence or self-esteem. Since then though I've managed (mainly through persistence and sheer hunger) to engineer a much better life and career as a female PUA for myself than I ever could have imagined as a swotty, (often spotty!) and desperately unhappy teenager. It is safe to say I could have used a bit more self-esteem!

But it has not been an overnight change by any means, and nor is it a finished project. Everyone is on a journey, and it is the one within yourself that is the longest and requires the most commitment.

Working on the self!

Self-work is best understood when a wholesome and holistic approach is taken to it. Being a dating coach in London, I can safely say I understand the benefits of doing everything in moderation. Running a business, maintaining a healthy relationship, staying fit, and staying abreast of in-field practice - just to mention a few! - means I understand the importance of focusing on multiple areas of your life at once.

Your self-esteem and your confidence are important in every area of your life, not just with women. By focusing on the different areas of your life at once, you will actually become more attractive and successful with women. As one of my better analogy illustrates, your health, wealth and relationships are like dirty dishes piling up in the sink, the longer you leave them, the worse it gets!

So if you are unsatisfied with your career, if you feel you lack a social circle or if you are out of shape and want to get fit, work on these areas of yourself first. Datingwill be a lot easier and enjoyable if you build a great life for yourself outside of women first and foremost.

Long term goals that will allow you to build up your self-esteem

Be healthy.

Look after and respect your body. If you eat healthy food and avoid the junk, you will feel mentally and physically better all the time.

Keep your home or flat tidy.

To strangers or people, we have just met, our home is often a powerful indicator of who we are. Don’t put a girl off then by living in squalor, impress her with your organisation and tidiness. Moreover, decorate your flat. Have photos on the wall that add character and can serve as great conversational points. Have candles and incense burners, these create a relaxing and homely atmosphere.

Go after a career that makes you satisfied.

Find what you are passionate about and be able to communicate that passion to other people. This is incredibly attractive.

Develop great relationships with people.

Don’t necessarily focus on just befriending or meeting beautiful women but see the good qualities in everyone.

Be altruistic.

Give something back and use your position as a leader and teacher to give you self-worth. Be grateful for everything you have and use your privilege to help people less fortunate than yourself.

Make important decisions for yourself.

Don’t give that responsibility to other people. You will always feel better about your life and the direction it has taken if you make the big choices for yourself.

Have boundaries.

Be able to tell people gently but firmly when they have done something you don’t agree with. Be able to stick up for yourself otherwise, you will feel like people always walk all over you and your self-esteem will be crushed.

Follow these tips and you will piece by piece be the person you want to be. As I've been there I want to help you, or at least give you someone who wants to listen.

So if you want to bolster your self-esteem give me a shout and tell me YOUR story!

Read a guest blog by Nick Hatter on how to boost your self-esteem!

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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