Why She Doesn’t Want A Second Date & How To Fix It?

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All too familiar story

You met a woman you liked, you thought the date went pretty well, then you get the dreaded message:

‘I just didn’t feel the connection’

Why does it happen so often that you’d like a second date and she calls it quits? 

And what can you do to stop this happening in the future?

To get to the root of the whole, ‘why did I want to see her again, and she didn’t want to see me?’ thing you need to understand how women fundamentally look at dating in a way that is different to you. 


Second Date

Why did I want to see her again, and she didn’t want to see me?

She feels more time pressure than you do. 

Women who want to have a family can’t wait forever to meet someone. The problem is if she doesn’t feel like you’re a guy she can imagine being with long term, there’s a lot of ‘opportunity cost’ to keeping dating you. 

She feels guilty about wasting your time too. 

She’s very conscious of wasting her time on the ‘wrong’ option and assumes you are too, so if it doesn’t click with her she’s primed to say ‘next!’ when you’d give it another shot. 

She’s been told, ‘when it’s the right one you’ll know’. 

Put frankly a lot of romance movies and books haven’t really helped dating out, they’ve created unrealistic expectations of a first date being like a scene from a movie. If your date with her doesn’t immediately scream, ‘wow I’m attracted to him,’ or ‘wow I feel like this man could be The One’ then she won’t feel like it’s worth investing more time getting to know you.

Second Date
second date

So what can you do about it?


Well luckily I have helped men overcome this stick point for years, so I am ready with a toolkit to help you get to date 2 and beyond.  To assist with this I’ve devised 8 troubleshooting questions you can ask yourself to narrow down the possibilities of what you might be able to improve?

What? There’s not one change I can make to fix this? 

Unfortunately probably not.  Try not to pay too much attention to dating gurus that tell you that ‘you just need to be Alpha’ and ‘make sure you kiss her on a first date.’ Of course kissing is always nice, but if it’s out of context this could seriously backfire.  

What you need is an approach to dating that is smart, specific and tailored to you.

Think very carefully about the answer to these questions:


Who talks more on your dates?

I don’t believe that she has to talk 80% of the time, but if she’s not contributing to the conversation, or contributing minimally, then it’s going to be hard for her to feel enough of a connection to you to keep seeing you.


How certain is she that you want to see her again?

Depending on what your dating goals are (serious relationship or flirtation and fun) you may want to be clearer or more aloof about your intentions for a second date.


How authentic were you?

Being authentic will communicate a lot of good things about you: it will show you’re on that date to be yourself, not just impress her.


Why does she think you want to see her again?

If she just feels like you’re going through the motions of asking her out again, and there’s no real connection, then she won’t have much incentive to see you again.


Do you lead your dates?

Too much seeking approval for her, and too little date planning, are two common attraction killing behaviours.


Do you pay any compliments? If so, which ones?

Compliments are like gifts, give too many and they lose their value. One or two meaningful compliments are better than bombarding her with compliments which make you look like a fan, and not her partner.


Did you take any risks?

A risk could be a spontaneous last minute extension to your date, or sharing a candid opinion. Either way if the whole date feels very comfortable and familiar, chances are she won’t feel that attraction.

Note: Keeping the right amount of tension is much easier on shorter dates, if your dates are 3 hours + this could also be part of the problem.


Did you challenge her?

A vital ingredient of your dates is to show that you want to get to know the real her, this means not just passively accepting everything she says. You can keep it positive, and playful, but challenging her is really important.

You need to demonstrate that you have standards and that you haven’t chosen her… yet!

Commit to yourself!

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Dating Coach for Men
Dating Coach for Men