Confidence Building

How to become a sexy Siren (podcast)

February 26, 2016
▪ 5 mins read

The seductive archetype

Welcome back to another episode of Love HQ. My name is Hayley Quinn. I am a TEDx speaker, soon to be author and I spent my whole time talking about dating and love. But I have a perspective and I call it real life. And what real life is all about is reversing some of the bad dating advice out there, some of the ways that you'd be mad to think and feel to empower you to approach love differently and get different results. So if you've had Groundhog Day, if you get stressed because you're not sure about how to respond or that you never see the guy after the third date or you feel kind of uncomfortable around guys.

Oh, wow, you are in the right place, because I'm going to move you from a position where you might feel quite disempowered to a place where you feel really super confident with men. And that's my goal of this little podcast series. I always have a different WEEKLY GUEST and different weekly topic. The topic for this week is the sexy siren. Not like an alarm- siren as in the seductive archetype.

Siren as an archetype

Now if you want to read about this stuff, there's this book by Robert Greene called The Art of Seduction, which I'm just starting to read and already finding it super interesting. And one of the seductive characters he points out is the siren and this is a woman who is irresistible to men. Classic examples of the siren would be Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, both women who actually from all anecdotes were not the most facially beautiful women that had ever walked the earth.

Marilyn Monroe was turned down for a bunch of movies where they said she was attractive in real life, but not classically beautiful enough to be on screen an actress. So because of that, how these women developed their sexuality and how they made it so appealing was by playing a role called the siren. Now, I'm not saying that we all need to become sexy sirens. But I think there's something that we can learn from this as a seductive archetype, a character that people generally consider to be really attractive. So let's look at this. Let's look at the siren. She embodies an ideal of feminine sexuality. So that doesn't mean that she's perfect. It means that she loves her feminine form, she enjoys her body, she adorns herself with beautiful feminine things, whether it's a feminine sense of dress, jewels, makeup, everything as an element of performance.

When she walks into the room, people think who is that person. It's to do with the theatricality of it the way she moves, like how Marilyn Monroe had that particular Bo Peep walk, and how she had that very light, breathy, almost innocent but very sexual voice of hers that became her calling card. This is the kind of things that I mean by performance. So there's that.

Why do men love her?

What you'll also find about the siren is that when men are with her, they love her so much, because she's so playful and so spontaneous and free-spirited and indulgent, decadent and likes to party. In that zone, they lose their minds, because often men are told to be extremely logical and very serious and very straightforward. So there's escapism that they experience as part of her character.

I was reading this stuff and I don't really consider myself a siren. I'm not that archetype at all, but this is really interesting. It's good to know. I think there are things to be said for what the siren does, and the siren really embraces her femininity. She really embraces her physical form. She thinks she is fabulous. And rather than what colour hair you have, or what size boobs you've got, that is what makes you attractive.

The real-life sexy siren

So today joining me I have a real-life sexy siren, Martina. Now I've known Martina for a couple of years. She's a good friend of mine. She is a walking siren archetype. As soon as I was reading this chapter last night I knew I was gonna get her on the podcast.

Martina works as a dancer so she is used to being the centre of the male gaze. And I actually started chatting to Martina when I was in the strip club. I noticed, not to be disparaging at all because some stripers are the most honest and cool women that I've ever met. But the other dancers in there, lots of them are doing the same thing. They looked quite similar. Martina just stood out right from the start as someone who's extremely independent, who is doing her own thing, enjoying her own style.

When I asked her about the dancing things, she simply said that she felt empowered when she was doing it. And she felt really good in herself. And she's one of the people I know who first of all is very authentic, second of all is self-confident, loves her body, and exudes a kind of sexual presence. The guys in the room are just drawn to her. I thought it'd be quite useful to interview her a little bit about being a siren. So welcome to the podcast, Martina.

The interview

The thing about Martina is- you have a very distinct voice and a very adorable laugh. So can you tell me a little bit about one of the things that always struck me with you is that you always said that you found dancing empowering? So can you explain that or that feeling that you get?


I've been a dancer for about three years now. Before I became a dancer, I had a really difficult relationship with a boy who, after some time stopped wanting to sleep with me. Because I am naturally a very sexual person it was really damaging to me. It really killed my confidence. And after two and a half years in that relationship, I had no confidence, I was a scared girl.

I danced before. My financial situation at that time forced me to go back to it. And I feel it saved my life in terms of the attention that I get there. Even when I was feeling unconfident, and I didn't like my body at that time, because I thought that the reason the boy didn't want to sleep with me was that something was wrong with my body. But I realised that men like different types of women, different parts of women's bodies.

There will always be somebody who will adore you and appreciate you and love your careers and love your body. So I realised that even though my body is not perfect, men love me. It gave me so much confidence, and now is the confidence that attracts men.


I find that there's so many things in there. First of all, if a guy withholds sex it's because that's a control thing. Clock that one and write that down in your book of control things to look out for, because he knows that he's depriving you. And when someone withholds and becomes withdrawn physically they could be stressed at work, there could be some performance issues, but a lot of the time it's control. So just be cautious.

And secondly, I found exactly the same thing. I've had relationships where the guy is gone nonsexual on me and refused or turned his head away when I tried to kiss him and that's heartbreaking. It really dings your confidence.


And if you confront him about it, or try to have a conversation about why, and he's not able to talk about it, or he's he blames you for it says things like, because I feel like you wanted too much. I'm your girlfriend. Of course, I want to have sex with you.


Do you want to learn how to become a sexy siren? Waste no time and join my Hayley Quinn Club today!

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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