I find women’s dating advice that talks about blocked chakras, or needing to be ‘more in your feminine energy’. A little restrictive (who is to say what is and isn’t feminine?) and not all that helpful (so you need more feminine energy – how do you get that exactly?)
As a dating coach, my teaching style likes to emphasize practical steps that you can use in the non woo-woo world; I also think it’s kind of patronizing to tell other women, how to be women.
That being said – being ‘feminine’ is certainly not a dirty word. It doesn’t have to mean lesser, or supplicative, or simpering… it can of course be very powerful.
If you don’t like the word, I would try thinking of it as ‘being more open’. A feeling that should be good for you and attract more people into your life.
But what does this practically mean for you in terms of creating change?
NOTE: I kind of hate advice that is all ‘just be confident’ – causing a lot of people to think ‘yes but HOW??’
So here are some simple but good practices for being more open (feminine) to attract men, or indeed other women…
Be more feminine to attract men tip 1:
Receiving. And no I’m not talking sexually. I am always surprised by how many incredible women who I coach who will give, give, give for others but will be resistant to people helping them. You want to attract partners who are giving to your needs and emotionally available. A good place to start is when someone offers to do something for you (whether it’s a guy giving you his coat when it’s cold, or someone buying you a coffee) is just to say ‘thank you’ and allow yourself to be treated.
Be more feminine to attract men tip 2:
A great flirting principle for women is to leave things OPEN instead of using a direct suggestion. For instance instead of saying, ‘let’s make out on your couch’ you could say, ‘that’s quite a nice couch…’ and let the other person fill in the blanks. Before you’re ‘at that stage’ it could be a smart idea to say something like, ‘maybe you can convince me…’ leaving things open and uncertain often creates the space for a spark to fly. It is also nice to know the other person’s mind is working that way.
Be more feminine to attract men tip 3:
Of course with anything in life this is the golden place to start. I always feel if I meet a client who is very check box focused then I start to wonder if they’re looking for a person to date, or the social status of a relationship. May we all agree now that saying ‘tall guys only’ on your Tinder profile is bad? I mean how would you feel if you saw ‘size 8 only’ on a guy’s profile? I’m pretty sure the pitchforks would be out, so if we want to be equal but different, let’s not body shame him either. In fact keeping an open mind will also help you. So he’s not your normal type, or you wouldn’t normally go to mini golf for a date, if you can go along with it for a bit, this may mean that you break out of your own rut in who you choose. Always put people’s treatment of you, over how awesome they seem on paper.
Be more feminine to attract men tip 4:
Asking point blank questions is rarely the way to get the best out of people. Instead I would replace the need to fill that silence, allow the pause (because you don’t need to impress anyone) and if anything make an open statement. This could be something like, ‘I’m still getting back used to how chilly it is in London…’ this creates curiosity and should prompt them to say, ‘where have you been?’
This is often both more elegant and effective in driving the conversation than saying, ‘I’ve just got back from vacation. Have you got any holidays planned this year?’ Also who doesn’t want a good listener, who is attentive?
Be more feminine to attract men tip 5:
Body language. Crossed arms or your bag on your lap sends a strong signal of ‘do not come over’. This is fine if that’s how you’re feeling, however many men in 2019 are very hesitant to approach in this post #metoo era. If you actually want these considerate guys to say hi, then stack your positive body language signals to sub-communicate ‘I’m open to speaking.’
Be more feminine to attract men tip 6:
I know you really want to ask him why he hasn’t been in touch for 2 days, or what he’s looking for… but this is also a time to sit back and let things flow. I promise if you do you will get a better insight into his character and you will learn to deal with that feeling of being in the unknown. Often when you’re dating you won’t know where you stand, but instead of being in a rush for commitment with this guy (is he realllly that great?) start to get more comfortable with dealing with unknowns, and letting things happen. This isn’t passive, it’s powerful.
These are just a few basic ways you can start to work with the idea of openness to improve your dating life. At my dating workshops in London it is something I like to teach; because I think it’s very easy to hear ‘be more feminine’ and feel guarded, or like that’s just not you. In dating of course you shouldn’t try to be something you’re not; in fact it’s often helpful to be more you than ever before. However for men, women, everyone understanding how you can use language, body language and mindset to get better results – that is just smart.
Smart people don’t wait for life to happen to them – they go and create what they want.
Postscript – apologies for obnoxious over use of the word ‘men’ – I am writing partially as the slave to some SEO but would like to acknowledge that ideas around femininity and openness are suitable for ALL. Not just women looking to attract men 🙂