Meeting In Real Life

Where to meet a man when you're 40+

May 25, 2015
▪ 2 mins read

Finding your ideal guy (Yes, he is somewhere out there!)

If you are over 40 and want to meet a man, tell me do you recognise yourself in the following. I work with so many women who live under the belief that all men over 40 are either:

  • Already married. And you're not in the boyfriend stealing market.
  • As above and a terrible cheat.
  • Stuck to their couch with their slippers on.

This means for the vivacious, independent 40-something the question looms large 'where have all the men gone?'  

I do admit that men over 40 are quite a rare beast to find, but really they do exist. You just need a few tricks to look for them...

1. Understand now that this man that you require is unlikely to be a social butterfly.

For some reason, men don't think 'I really want to meet a woman so I'll join a yoga club and see how it goes' chances are he's a creature of habit and unless invited out sticks rigidly to his routine. This might mean the best place to catch him is in his favourite Friday night bar... that he visits, well, every Friday.

2. He may have already had a serious relationship...

that has gone awry leaving him in a house by himself in the suburbs. This is (of course) not an ideal place to meet him but there are routes that you can think of. For example, if there are large professional districts (i.e. the City of London, Tribeca) and then there's a commuting route he's likely to follow... a little like Sherlock Holmes suddenly that bar next to the train station doesn't seem like such a bad option.

3. Guys like guy things...

I understand why you never saw the appeal of a running/ sailing/ martial arts club but for men, these are usually one of the first places that they'll look to build new friendships and relationships. So whilst he hasn't made it down to the Meet Up group you like yet think about where he likes to de-stress and spend his social time.

4. Don't rule out the women...

No, I'm not asking you to change sexual orientation but instead to think that new female friends bring with them new social circles and this might be just what you need. So when you next turn up to a socialising event that turns out (surprise, surprise) to be all women again then instead of feeling disappointed reach out and form new social relationships too.

5. Look under a rock...

NO! I meant to go online to a 'nice' site- I've heard good things about Elite Singles and Plenty of Fish for finding that rarest of beasts... the sexy age-appropriate single man  

If you want to think differently about how you date and meet a man head to my Members Club. You will find there more great advice on where to find your ideal guy*  

* by this I mean someone who you can happily tolerate

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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