For Men

10 SIMPLE Steps to Creating a Dating Lifestyle

July 30, 2012
▪ 5 mins read

Dating Lifestyle In 10 steps

There are always a million reasons why we can decide not to do something. In case you hadn't noticed, it is WAY easier to ignore what you want to do, and do the easy thing instead. Even if it means you don't get the results you want. And this is effecting your dating lifestyle.  

Whilst it is always important to be kind to yourself, give yourself 'days off' and be ok to occasionally have a 'duvet day' it is worth remembering what Einstein had to say about madness...

' (it is) doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.'

So if you're not getting the results you want- change something. In fact, change a bunch of things. Throw yourself into total lifestyle transformation. When I work with people as a dating coach, I take an overview of their whole lifestyle. Because it is rarely just about getting the girl: it's about having the lifestyle you always wanted.  

Anything involving the words 'total' and 'transformation' sounds overwhelmingly difficult, but it doesn't have to be. You just have to do things in small chunks. I'm still working on being the best person I can be, so I'd love to help you to do that too. So try following my 10 steps to creating a Dating Lifestyle for just one week... and see where you are at the end of it. In fact,email me to let me know how you got on.

1. Try being altruistic:

Paying strangers a compliment is not only a great way to boost your self-esteem. It also allows you to become a master of small talk and warm up your communication skills. So the next time you get a shop assistant serving you say:  

"I like how you're smiling whilst you're working." Or just "Have a really great day".  

You will experience as much of a boost as they will.

2. Get Fit!

This area can be an easy win if you devote some time to it. Remember there are always reasons not to do things; you just have to learn to put them to one side to achieve your goals. All you need to start getting fit is some loose clothing and a decent pair of trainers.  

For beginners start off with walking when you can, and by attending a gym class, these are great for motivation. For more experienced gym junkies mix up your routine. I know whenever I want to get out of a workout rut I make a decision to change my routine. So if you're into jogging try swimming for a week. If you're into weights, try using different training methods (like TRX, supersets etc) or other bodyweight routines instead. If you'd like some more precise advice on this- drop me a line, you can speak to one of the personal trainers on my team.

Working out isn't just about attracting women by having a more muscular physique: it's about increasing your 'passive value' by being someone who demonstrates that they care enough about themselves to make sure they're physically fit. It's like having a clean apartment, it communicates, 'I have my life in order.'

3. Whilst we're on the subject of flats

Tidy up, move out, or replace those ratty, old pillows. Your home environment so often reflects your state of mind. You may have a high tolerance level for dirty laundry, but a messy flat isn't conducive to you organising the rest of your life. If you really can't stand the dishes, get a cleaner, but make sure your home is one in which you feel at ease and that you'd be proud to bring someone home.

4. And whilst you're clearing out your fridge

Probably the easiest piece of dietary advice to follow is to swap away from 'white' foods. This means changing regular milk for rice/ almond milk. Or leaving out the white bread and going for something whole grain instead. This means recognising that sugar/ salt 'tooths' are dangerously addictive. The easiest way to trim down isn't to cut down, it's to make sensible swaps that leave you feeling more energised, and healthy.

5. Work on small things

Rewarding yourself is underrated. In fact, I'd be willing to bet you're more likely to always pick up on the things that you did wrong, rather than everything you did right. This is perfectly human, but when you get a negative internal dialogue of 'would've/ should've's' then make sure you make it a balanced argument by reminding yourself of what you did right.

6. Factor time out

If you're anything like me you can find yourself scheduling away every hour of your day. Even your 'downtime' involves partying with your friends. Instead of burning out, make time to have nights in to read, listen to music or do something 'calm'. Being the last to go home, and the first to rise will leave you robbed of space to think and time to unwind.

7. Create opportunities for improving your dating lifestyle

On the flip side if your life mainly revolves around a very set routine that can also feel very restrictive. With no challenge to your comfort zones: they will shrink. So make sure you work in time with friends every week; if your social circle isn't that large, then schedule a time to meet people. Attend Meet-Up groups, networking events, anything you need to expand your social life. Tons of guys find themselves 'loan rangers' after their friends settle down: yet social circles are still the most common way you meet someone, so readdress this area of your life.

8. Become a better proposition

You won't have to worry about running out of things to say if your life is busy and full. Have commitments in your diary that are more important than a date- explore hobbies, sports, interests outside of women. Be well rounded and you will bring more to the table.

9. Stick to your commitments

All women love a man who has integrity. Start building up your inner sense of self-worth by building up your commitments and sticking to them. Create time to approach women, create time to get fit, create time to relax. Plot it down in advance: have a goal, and steps towards it, in writing. When you stick to your roadmap for success you will feel satisfied that you're 'taking action'. It's like the dirty dishes in the sink we mentioned earlier. The longer they sit there untouched, the more of a problem they become. Roll up your sleeves, tackle the areas in your life you're dissatisfied with and you will automatically feel more empowered.

10. Seize the moment

Opportunities to meet women are EVERYWHERE I promise you.  If you haven't noticed them yet or created the opportunities to meet women, then I would love to personally help you.  I am looking for participants for a one of training course I'm running on August 18th. You have to be well-motivated, looking for real change and open to learning new skills across the board. You've got to want to dress well, get fit and explore tons of new opportunities to meet women.

The course is a one-off trial, so it is running at a huge discount. Because of this, I want participants who genuinely want to improve.  

If this is YOU then I'd love to hear from you. All you need to do is send me an email entitled 'Start Dating' to hello@hayleyquinn.com explaining that you want to hear further details and we can go from there.

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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