Dating Tips
For Men

Build a connection with her

May 13, 2016
▪ 5 mins read

Connection chemistry

I am here to change your mindset around connection, love, sex, dating and relationships forever. If you've been having no luck with women, you find it very difficult to connect, to approach them, to not feel anxious in their company. To have the kind of relationships that you want. And you find at the moment that all advice is leading you astray or making you more stressed out, you are in the right place.

Now every week on this podcast, I explore love, sex, dating, relationships, but usually from a slightly left-field perspective, but one that I think will ultimately help you out much better than the five secret lines that will help you make any women like you. We don't talk about that stuff. Here we talk about something totally different. Now joining me today is the lovely Mr Jon Matrix. And he is founder of Male Mastery. Now I've known Jon for how long, quite a while.


Five, six years, I think.


And weirdly, Jon now lives in the house that I used to live in. In a confusingly incestuous coach relationship. But what's Jon is really amazing for and actually- his male mastery is really looking at how men can become better people and transform themselves internally, as well as learning the external skill.

So we're here today to talk about connection chemistry, which is how you can build an awesome connection with women. And finally, get to the point where it's not that you're asking them lots of questions, the conversations becoming really boring, but that actually you're looking at a woman sat opposite from you, and you feel a mutual sense of understanding and attraction. I don't think we're gonna be going through a traditional model to look at that, because I have a feeling Jon, you're not going to be teaching people too many scripts or lines that they have to say to women.


No. Traditionally, all of the systems if you call them that, they're all linearly based. So it's like do this, then do this, then do this. And with connection chemistry, we've tried to make it a bit more three dimensional, dynamic. So it's much more about being in the moment, understanding core principles, and then using them, which is how it should be.

You don't want to be trying to remember script trying to go from one thing to the next thing, because it's not going to go well. It's not going to be genuine, it's not going to flow, it's going to be a bit robotic.

So as much as if you're a complete beginner, yes, you do need some kind of structure. We've tried to make it more three dimensional, and something guys can really get out of their heads and stay in the moment with. Which is a problem that a lot of these other systems lack.


What I would say about that is I think that when you've been having those problems with applying knowledge about how to meet women, a lot of the time, it's because someone out there has decided that it be nice if meeting women was a perfectly logical system. If you did these 10 steps perfectly in order, just like I always joke about, it's like pressing the buttons in the right sequence on a video game, or something like that, that if you do press all the buttons in the right sequence that out the other side pops the prize. Which are the women. That would be lovely, wouldn't it?

But that is just simply not how human interactions work. So whilst you need some structure, if this is something you're really new too, and you are really struggling to make any connections, just don't enter into the false mindset that there is a perfect structure out there. That's going to mean that you don't have to learn how to respond to another person or listen to another person or adapt to how you're expressing yourself. In fact, these core skills are going to give you a much better connection with women in the end.

Because of how women experience conversation is very different. I'll have my male subscribers sometimes ask me how long is it into an interaction before I can kiss a woman? They're literally looking for a length of time, like 47 minutes!


The whole thing with that kind of question is having a linear system. It's a very male viewpoint. It's logical. It's like, right, this is the endpoint. This is what I want to get. What's the process to get that? And like you said, that isn't how it works at all. It's, not a linear process. But for most men, unfortunately, that's how our brains are wired. So we're looking for a system.


Right and that's so different to how many women's brains are wired. We are more 360 degrees, everything going on at once. Which feels really strange, I think to the guys that are out there.

But for myself, the concept that a woman can be really sexual, but also really maternal in the same point in time, that she just has different aspects of our personality that she shifts dynamically in between. And that often, instead of looking for the guy to say, a certain thing or certain period of time to elapse, she's looking to feel a certain way in someone's company. Or to feel more stable or more secure with them.

So that if you try and take a really masculine model, and transplant it onto how women behave, what you get is usually a bit of a disconnect. If a guy uses the system perfectly, but she's not responding to what's going wrong? Why is this failing? In fact, it's because you're trying to take a human interaction, and then create it in a way that doesn't make sense to women.

When you're talking about your, your principles for connection, can you share maybe one really valuable principle that the guys wouldn't have thought about when it comes to actually form that connection with a woman so that he feels that they've got that level of understanding? Where she really wants to see him again?


Okay, well, the first thing I would say is, if I can put it all into a nutshell, it's don't be nice. Because unfortunately, guys get stuck into the nice guy frame. I'm not saying be a bad person. But going in with this kind of fake ass-kissing, Mr Nice Guy, thing. And that's what I used to be like because intuitively that's how you feel. That's what it feels like, that you should do to get someone to like you. It's like, I'm really nice to someone, they're like me.

But as most of us know, when it comes to women and attraction, that doesn't work. It comes across as not genuine. You can feel when a guy's being fake and trying to get something from you. And it's just not a very masculine way of being. Women are attracted to masculine traits. And the Mr Nice Guy is almost the antithesis of the masculine guy because he's bending his reality. He is changing himself to meet the requirements of the woman.

For the rest of the interview click on the link below!

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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