Meeting In Real Life
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The Gym Approach: How to Say 'hi' whilst you're working out

June 7, 2011
▪ 3 mins read

Excercise your muscles and conversational skills

Looking for an upside to having put on forty pounds, spent all your money and miserable weather?How about trying the gym approach?

That’s right, learning to say 'hi' to women at the same time as you lift your weights. Here are a few guidelines about how to go about meeting a girl up whilst pumping iron.

1.Don’t use a put-down

The worst lines I’ve ever got at the gym are light put-downs. The "You shouldn’t be lifting weight like that. Here let me show you a better manoeuvre" line.

Even times when this has been well-meant it’s caused me to inwardly bark, "I’m a qualified fitness instructor I’ll have you know."

The problem is people don’t usually enjoy being told something about themselves by a stranger. That pesky second person `you’ is fantastic for teasing a girl, but I’d avoid it when opening. Instead try and say, `I’: I think, I believe, in my opinion, etc. It’s harder to go wrong with a statement if it’s clear that it is your opinion.

2.Approach with positivity:

A compliment will always leave a much nicer impression than a correction. So scrap that put-down and instead create rapport by paying a specific, genuine compliment to the girl you want to start chatting to:

"Hey, I like how you’re working with a kettle ball: that’s impressive when most people just settle for sitting on an exercise bike for an hour.""I don’t know about you but, cardio really bores me. I love to mix up my workouts with some free weights and even a little yoga. And yes it is acceptable for a guy to be into that!"Loading your opening statements with comments not only about what she’s doing but how it relates to you will help you to ease into a natural flow of conversation.

3.Use something related to the gym environment to start a conversation

If you randomly ask a girl an opinion opener in the gym (like `Do you think men are better liars than women?’) it seems even more out of place at the gym than anywhere else. Don’t leave them thinking,

`Why is that guy speaking to me instead of working out?

Instead, try an opener that uses all the situational gold that the environment gives you to open:

"I'm curious how you ever managed to do that butterfly stretch? I love doing weights but think I let the side down a little bit with my flexibility.""I don’t know about you but I’m kind of addicted to protein bars. Think after years of healthy eating I’ve finally tricked my body into thinking it’s a chocolate bar I’m eating!"

4.Talk to her intermittently

Trying to stop a hardcore gym bunny mid half marathon on the treadmill to have a long conversation is unrealistic and unnatural.

Try to make fun, witty comments and statements that will grasp her attention, make her smile, then get back to your work out and let her get back to hers. If you’re both members of the same gym it’s better to build up your connection over time rather than compete against her aerobic’s class for her attention.

The key is to keep it natural, and you’ll be able to approach women even in a sensitive environment (where everyone knows each other) as the gym.

By using a natural (and by that I mean something that doesn’t seem premeditated) yet indirect (don’t get chucked out of your gym for sexual harassment) style it will allow you to approach women in a way that means you're both going to feel at ease.

So fly under the radar, keep it light, brief, avoid a woman feeling awkward and you should have plenty more reasons than the Bikram class to visit your gym.

To discover more ways that you can start to say 'hi' and get the response you want then set a date to talk to Hayley personally about how to get the lifestyle excellence and dating confidence you want today or join our member-only Club!

You can download our gym approach guide, prepared by our coach and personal trainer Chris!

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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