Dating Tips
For Men

How `50 Shades of Grey’ can help your dating life

February 16, 2015
▪ 2 mins read

Taking on the best of Mr Grey

As 50 Shades of Grey hits the theatres over Valentine’s weekend, tons of people have their opinions on the film. But whether you love it or you hate it, there is something to be said about attraction and lust... and sex scenes, which is what everyone is turning up for!

So guys if you want to be as sexy as Mr Grey without being bad, then here arethree ways 50 Shades of Grey can help your dating life.

Say more Imperatives

Imperatives are direct orders, which you use to instruct someone. In the film, Christian is a dominant who exercises control in all areas of his life. We don’t need to be control freaks but instead, we can translate this into assertiveness and avoid being an insensitive idiot.

Just like the film, imperatives can be especially effective during sexy situations. Telling her "lie down", "sit down" or "take that dress off" creates a frisson in the bedroom, placing you as the one in control.

You might find that women respond well to an assertive man in the bedroom because sometimes it is exciting to let go. So if you demonstrate you can lead the way, whilst making her feel safe at the same time, you will find that women will happily follow your command.

Make Decisions

If you want to make an impact during a date, you can achieve this by making more decisions. For example, you can order her starter or make other suggestions like "I think you should have the red wine".

And if the woman says no (because we’re all Feminists) and believe me, she’s allowed to say no, you can insist by saying "I think it’s going to taste better". Suggestions allow you to lead without being forceful.

Create Mystery

Another idea that lures a woman into your frame is to create mystery. Christian Grey kept Anastasia on her feet and likewise, you could create a sexy, mysterious first date. Take her out so she doesn’t know where you’re going.

Keep it brief. Arrange to meet at a landmark, give her time and an imperative and that’s all. For instance, "Meet me at the train station at 3 pm - wear heels". Adding a command in the message creates attraction and assertiveness before the date, leaving the tension simmering over until you meet. And if she asks any questions then keep your reply simple and don’t give anything away.

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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