Dating Tips
For Men

How to handle it when she always cancels

February 5, 2015
▪ 2 mins read

Are you annoyed when cancelled on?

If you are reading this blog, it is safe to assume that you know or have known that one girl who always cancels. Girls (or women rather) can be bloody annoying. And I can understand if you find it hard to handle when she:

  1. doesn’t get back to you for ages about meeting up.
  3. does it is a decidedly `flakey’ excuse.
  5. arranges a one hour window of her time when you can come and meet her... then cancels.


Of course, being annoyed isn’t really going to get you anywhere or help you to meet more women.

Understand why she always cancels

First of all (before I tell you a great workaround for when you get this kind of messages that WILL make her want to come out and meet you) you’ve got to understand why she’s being a pain in the butt.

  1. She doesn’t fancy you that much yet. I didn’t say at all, I said not that much. This is ok as a state of play. Women take longer to get `into’ guys than guys take to get `into’ girls (no puns intended) so the fact that she doesn’t feel like tearing your clothes off yet is normal.
  3. She’s busy. People are busier than ever, and there are more demands for her attention than ever before (thanks, Tinder) so it’s not her problem, it’s a social problem.
  5. She doesn’t want to be mean. Growing up as a woman you’re taught how-not-to-be-direct as a way of life. Being polite, sparing people’s feelings etc are meant to be your forte. So if she doesn’t quite have the balls to say `I’m not really feeling it, see ya later’ this will be the reason why.

So what will help her to help you is if you bring clarity?

You have to get used to acknowledging what’s going on between you both...but in a way that is non-judgemental and un-mean because (most of the time) she hasn’t meant to hurt your feelings or caused a mess.

Here are some phrases that may help you do this...

`Everyone has time for a coffee...’`Seeing as you’re fully booked this weekend, here’s the plan...’`Get that you’re busy, me too. I’d still like to see you though, so make me a counter offer you’re happy with and if that offer is nothing just say ;-)’`I like how elusive you are but I want to see you so let’s fix this up...’

Most women with some emotional maturity will engage with you here: if she doesn’t MOVE ON. Remember you need a woman who you are attracted to and who is a high-quality human being... To find more of these rare women check out the one to one advice and special videos I offer just to my Wingman Club members!

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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