Dating Tips
For Men

Instant Texts to Get That Date

November 15, 2012
▪ 2 mins read

So, you’ve done it.

You spotted a cute girl, approached her, got her number...What now? I though you might find my instant texts suggestions helpful in choosing your next step!

Kicking off the text conversation can be a tricky move: What should the first message say? How soon should you suggest seeing each other? How frequently should you be in touch in the meantime??  

The transition from asking for her number to securing that first date can be a rocky road filled with pitfalls. Luckily, there are some simple guidelines to follow that can smooth out the whole process.

Instant Texts: the first text is for testing the waters

The only thing you want from a first text is to get an `invested’ response. This will let you know she's still as interested as when she gave you her number. Do not use the first text to ask for a date!  

You should keep the text fairly general, refer to something you discussed when you met, and make it easy for her to reply by including a direct question:

Hey, Alice fun meeting you last night. My evening was a little curious- how did yours turn out? (shots, dancing, hangover etc)...?  

An invested response is one where she replies relatively quickly, at a decent length, and makes an effort to keep the conversation going by offering more information:

Great meeting you too. I had a pretty crazy night actually, but you can tell me about your first! (If you really got that message from a girl- GREAT SIGNS- she's written back at length, offered you information AND is being a little teasing/ flirtatious)  

Now you’re ready to suggest a date, and there's just one thing to bear in mind:

Instant Texts: don’t ask vague questions

'What are you up to tonight?' isn't going to cut it. A vague question will get you nothing but a vague response. She knows you’re going to ask her out, but isn’t sure what you’ll suggest, so she’ll cover her bases by keeping it equally vague: `I might be free’ tells you nothing and gets you no closer to securing that date.  Instead, use specific assumptions about what she’ll be doing.

So how about we swap stories, and a few more rounds of martinis, next week?

Right off the mark this lets her know what sort of date you have in mind, and will give you both a starting point for making plans. It will also generate conversation as you sort out the details, and you’ll be on that date before you know it!

For more advice on texting for successful dating join my Hayley Quinn Club to get access to 125 other neat texts that will help you to make her smile when she opens up her phone!

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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