If you’re not getting many (or ANY!) of the matches you want on dating apps, this blog is here to help you troubleshoot.
We all want to get back to meeting each other in real life: but for now, dating apps are where it’s at. And they’ve never been busier. This means women who would never normally go on apps, are using them, creating a great opportunity for you to meet them.If this paradise of meeting lots of women you’re attracted to sounds like wishful thinking, then please read on.
I do know that a lot of men (and women) can find the whole online dating thing disheartening, if they’re not getting the matches they want.If this is you before you throw in the towel, I want you to spend today doing a thorough audit of how you’re approaching online dating. When I’m coaching guys, I go through their profiles, messages, and how they’re using apps; and there is ALWAYS something BIG we can change.
In this blog I’ve condensed some of those teaching points into a checklist that will hopefully improve your results online!
1. Are my photos strong enough?
The facts are in our age of Instagram, expectations for photo quality have gone through the roof!
Here is an example of what a super good quality online dating photo looks like:
(Note: this photo was supplied by professional online dating photography service Hey Saturday. They’re friends of mine, so let me know if you’d like an intro to them and a discount?)
For your photos ask these simple questions:
Photos taken in dark bars/ clubs, photos with red eyes, photos which are low contrast, or have a lot of shadow in them, won’t look great online.
- Is the photo good enough resolution?
Old photos are not only less representative of who you are (!). They also have fewer pixels which means they don’t look as good.
Really levelling with you, women often use social media apps like Instagram much more than men and have a constant stream of new photos.It’s not unusual for 2 female friends to spend 20 minutes taking the perfect picture - this is why that mirror selfie of you in a lift at your gym isn’t going to cut it.
- What’s in your background?
A woman should be able to look at your pictures and imagine herself spending time with you: because of this the background of your images is very important!Cluttered backgrounds only encourage her to zoom in on your images and think, `is that an ironing board over there?!’
Instead focus on pictures of you in date settings - walking by the river, an outdoors cafe, you smiling across a table at her...
...Honestly I could go on about what photos work, and don’t work, forever but it’s probably easier for now if you watch this video I made about online dating.
2. Is my profile personal enough?
It can be very easy to write an online dating profile that is too generic and doesn’t help you to stand out from the other guys. Here’s an example:
"I love travel and during lockdown I’ve been getting into running..."
The topics of travel and fitness are both good things to mention, but they need to be written about in a way that’s far more dynamic and interesting. One of my top tips for this is to substitute general terms like travel for specific terms like where’s your favourite place to travel i.e.
Don’t write -> I like travel.
Do write -> Currently plotting my post lockdown vacay to Koh Samui with a coconut water in hand.*
(* You’ll notice I’ve also written this statement in a way that’s far more conversational and has an interesting choice of words, more on this shortly!).
Again for more detailed advice on this,
3. Am I being proactive enough?
I did a coaching session with one of my female clients last week and she said (I quote) she wants to feel `pursued’ by a man. Without going into the rights and wrongs of wanting to feel this way, let’s just accept that women don’t want to feel they’re being asked out by a guy who is mindlessly scrolling, and who doesn’t care which woman responds, as long as someone does.
Liking a woman’s pictures, like you would do on social media, isn’t going to cut it.
First of all, she’s going to have a lot of likes; by not sending a first message you miss out on a great opportunity to communicate how you’re different from the other guys.
When it comes to first messages you also want to play this game of word substitution i.e.
Don’t write -> How’s your day going?
Do write -> I like that you’re into travel - what’s the first post lockdown trip you’re plotting?
Ask yourself, `Am I sending enough high quality messages out to get the results that I want?’
4. Am I using the right platform?
A recent Match survey showed that Sunday 3rd January 2021 was their busiest day of the year and predicted that January 2021 would have an uplift of 27% of new users joining the platform compared to a normal month.
In short a lot of online dating platforms are really busy during the pandemic.
Choosing the right one for you is based on a few key questions:
- Does the platform you’re using have a big enough user base? My advice here would be, don’t go too niche!
- Are the women you want to date young enough to use swiping apps, or will they create a more traditional profile?
- Are you looking for a relationship or something more casual?*
(*While every online dating platform will have a mix of both on it, some sites are branded in a way that will attract a higher proportion of people seeking casual, or more committed relationships.)
5. Are my preferences on point?
Swipe yes to too many women and a dating app’s algorithm may think you’re spamming everyone (!).Swipe yes to too few women and you may not get a good enough volume of matches.
Assessing whether your standards and priorities are in the right place is very wise in the world of online dating.My biggest take home advice to you as a man in the online dating world is to really focus your attention on high quality `leads’ only.
If she’s not responding at all, or barely responding, FILTER HER OUT.
Successful dating is a marathon, not a sprint, and I’ve seen one too many people spend too much time focused on one person who isn’t giving back. Save your time and effort for someone who shares your interest.
If she’s putting no effort into her messages...
If she takes forever to respond....
Or if she always says yes to a (video) date but then flakes last minute because she’s had a busy week....
Rule her out! At least for now.
Watch this video for the full tutorial!
Sending you lots of love,